So beaten down by addiction and others' perception of me when I was in addiction's trenches, the feelings occasionally resurface in the present, and I can almost hear the voices saying: "A Leopard Never Changes Its Spots, once a Drunk, always a Drunk, You're Not Welcome Here, You're an Addict, You're a Fake. You're a Phony. You're a Failure." On and on. Perhaps you've heard these voices inside of you, echoes from your drunken and addicted past.
Feelings of worthlessness in addiction live long after recovery has been found.
I DESERVE NO BETTER. That feeling can be almost overwhelming at times. Addiction chipped away at my self-respect. I became the dust on the Addiction Sculptor's floor, worthless and to be discarded.
Recovery is slow to change the feelings brought on by my thirty (30) YEARS! in Addiction's Womb. When I emerged into the clean and sober light and a life in recovery, the emptiness I felt in my addiction is sometimes more than merely remembered: The feelings are relived in my sober present and cannot be soon released. In Recovery, we become much more than our storied past, but feelings and thoughts linger, naturally. They are a part of who we were. We are not that now. We are becoming more than THEN.
The War goes on in our heads long after the last battle has been fought and all the paraphernalia has left our hands.
We Are Better. We Are Becoming Unbroken. We are Worthy of our Suffering. The Darkness of our Experiences has left us. We are that but we are MORE than that.
Have we truly surrendered to recovery? We must. We are worthy. It will time take time for us. Courage, Shared Courage.
Let us do this. Help me do this for myself. Let me help you. It is not easy, but it is and will be done.
I am not an IMPOSTER. I am not Less Than. I do Deserve. I do Believe. I do Feel.
I am. You are. He is. She is. We are...
This post is in neither of my books. But don't let that stop you.
#Enjoy my first book, the Autobiographical Fiction titled ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal. Find it on Amazon. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
My NEW, Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery, is also on Amazon and may be found here: https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT
Both books are available in Print and Kindle editions.
7,500+ Recovery Tweets here: https://twitter.com/jimanders4
#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books
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