23 March 2016

Thanks Given (Repeat)

THIS is Thanksgiving Day and hopefully everyone in recovery who is reading this will make the best of their day, no matter what is on their plate. Somewhere between the extreme suffering most of us have felt in our addictions and the extreme gratitude we have experienced in our sobriety, a middle ground of serenity has been found or may be found in progress as we move forward. At the very least, the belief that what was once considered impossible can now become attainable, doable, a new way of life.  Together let us heal.

SOBER, not smashed and trashed. Healing.

DAY of Thanks, I wish to each and all.

07 March 2016

Book Review: If You Loved Me, You'd Stop!

5.0 out of 5 stars Buy it now / Read it now / Live it nowMarch 7, 2016

This review is from: If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much (Kindle Edition)
I finished reading Lisa Frederiksen's book a few long weeks ago. But apparently, "If You Loved Me, You'd Stop!" wasn't finished with me. "I didn't know where 'I' ended and 'someone else' began," she states early on. And so it is with co-dependency, I guess. I am an alcoholic in recovery and reading her book deepened my understanding of how those around me had perceived and misperceived my behaviors and my addictions.
For me, her book was a refresher course on how my alcohol-anesthetized self must have effected those around me. "If You Loved Me, You'd Stop!" will be of great value to anyone in a relationship with or near any substance abuser. It is written for 'them' about people like me.
The belief that you can make a difference in someone else's addiction perpetuates the problem and helps to deepen denial, as is so clearly stated in her book. "Every time you change one small part of your behavior, you're changing the bigger picture, too," she explains. What a positive revelation and an inducement to act!
It was sometimes painful to read, reminding me of the trauma I had caused others and the personal changes I had made with great difficulty years before I had read her phenomenal book. She informs with crystal clarity that one of the primary skills of a co-dependent is the ability to not feel. As alcohol dependence deadened me, I inadvertently taught those around me who cared the most to bottle their emotions. This book will help any reader as it has helped me to heal.
"How to Respond Instead of React" is a skill I have learned by living sober and which Lisa Frederiksen advocates for her co-dependent readers to learn when dealing with an alcoholic or addict in their relationships. She states "Change yourself and your relationships will definitely change - including the one you have with you!"
"You didn't cause it / Can't control it / Can't cure it" is an apt slogan for co-dependents.
As for "If You Loved Me, You'd Stop," I can only say Buy it now / Read it now / Live it now.