"'At least I'm not an addict.' That's the sense of moral superiority I once had. Today, that statement would be absurdly laughable. Too hung over to carry a bar tray full of drinks without spilling them. I would co-workers to place the straight up martinis in front of the customers' placemats because my daily shakes wouldn't allow me to do so without spilling. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Avalanche.
If alcoholism isn't addiction to alcohol, what the hell is it?
Spill. Spill. Fucking spill."
At this point in my drinking career, I believed that my addiction to alcohol was manageable. My ability to diminish the dimensions of my large and small daily disasters illuminates the power of denial. And at each point in my downward progression, I'd slowly become accustomed to that state, always believing that it would never get worse, that it could not get worse. And then, inevitably, it did get worse, I got used to each new normal in my progressive downward slide.
Today, I feel no sense of moral superiority over those addicted to substances other than alcohol. They all offer their own particular versions of hell. And I truly have no sense of moral superiority over my alcoholic past.
After all, it was alcohol that brought me to where I am today.
My more recent cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery has been a certain kind of breeze, another progressive disease to surmount. When I got sober and remained so after 30 years of daily binge drinking (and a few relapses), the road to cancer recovery was already well paved.
Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill.
Today, rather than dread, I live in anticipation of tomorrow.
Recovery (and alcoholism) has taught me that I can and will deal with whatever life presents to me.
I will keep you posted because I am not toasted,
The passage in quotes is excerpted from my Autobiographical Fiction ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal. Find it on Amazon. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Also #enjoy my second book, a Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery. Find it on Amazon here: https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT
Post a Comment