Chapter 31 Unnatural Disaster
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
TWO LIVES EXAMINED is the Eventual Price of Entry into a Sustainable Recovery: The ADDICTED LIFE & the LIFE IN RECOVERY that is RECONSTRUCTED. I am Worth it. I am Worthy. I am Becoming Whole.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Socrates (pictured) opens Chapter 31 (Unnatural Disaster) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Enjoy.
"There are two ways to slide easily through life - to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking." - Alfred Korzybski
*****
I am far from religious in the traditional sense, but even MOTHER TERESA had periods of being deeply tormented by DOUBT. By my view (and likely Korzybski's), her inward turmoil only increased her CONVICTIONS finally. Learning of her internal dialogues only increased my admiration of her accomplishments. She REVEALED HER INTELLECT & HER HUMANITY through measured INTROSPECTION.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Alfred Korzybski (pictured) closes Chapter 31 (Unnatural Disaster) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Enjoy.
Chapter 32 I Killed Reality, Reality Killed Me Back
"In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an empty heart there is room for nothing." - Antonio Porchia
*****
COUNTERINTUITIVE? Not at all. Like the hearts that beats in our chests, Antonio Porchia's heart in the pictured Quote seems, too, to be a muscle whose use increases its strength and disuse leads to atrophy.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
Find it on Amazon. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Antonio Porchia (pictured) opens Chapter 32 (I Killed Reality, Reality Killed Me Back) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Enjoy.
"You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom." - Malcolm X
Peace and Freedom are JUGGERNAUTS thrown around, weighty and larger than life like Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. It is no exaggeration to say that I was imprisoned by Alcohol, an onerous burden that excluded choices that did not include IT. Peace, Tranquility and Harmony were in no part part of my Daily Passing Out and Coming To. Purposeless beyond itself, Addiction was my Taskmaster.
Recovery or Addiction: "Know Peace or No Peace" (not my construction), but that is fine.
Recovery is mine, sublime, fine.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Malcolm X closes Chapter 32 (I Killed Reality, Reality Killed Me Back) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 33 I'm Sober. Jean-Paul is Dead.
"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe." - Carl Sagan
*****
Ultimately, the wellspring of creativity is others, as far I can see. Anything I've ever considered original with me, upon reflection, has been a mere reconfiguration of my experience with others, including the origins of words. If I were to speak at length on Humility, it would always include this Sagan Quote.
And yes, I'm Still Sober & Jean-Paul is Still Dead. Nothing funny there.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Carl Sagan (pictured) opens Chapter 33 (I'm Sober. Jean-Paul is Dead) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Enjoy.
"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott
MY SINKING BOAT, afloat a Sea of Alcohol, was Steered by Fear. For 30 years, control over alcohol slid from my fingers and 8 years of failed attempts at sobriety did not bolster me. Today, 18 additional years later, this Alcott Quote finally makes sense to me. Learning to Live Sober has sailed my ship through pneumonia, cancer & will guide me through whatever the next storm may be.
Notice how I was afraid in "My Sinking Boat" became "I am not Afraid of Storms [in my Recovery], for I am learning how to sail my ship"?
Today, a Realistic Humility and an Optimistic Outlook guide my ship. Steady as she goes, Louisa May. A Sober Sip of Sparkling Cider, if you please.
Cheers!
*****
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Louisa May Alcott closes Chapter 33 (I'm Sober. Jean-Paul is Dead) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 34 Seeing Eyeball to Egg Yolk
"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." - Ayn Rand
Passing out drunk onto a plate of eggs, EYEBALL TO EGG YOLK, as it were, did not stop my alcoholic descent. It was funny, darkly, not quite portending the increasingly dangerous bingeing blackout drinking days to come. Yes, darker days and deeper consequences would soon catch up to me.
REDUNDANT AS HELL, but Consequences would be dealt with LATER. Now, in the Drunken Moment, I wanted my drink and I wanted it NOW. But it never really was Now because the Next Drink was always just beyond reach.
RECOVERY is Within Reach, because it truly is NOW. There is Nothing Else to Swallow.
Recovery is Possible, Doable, Irreplaceable. Truth AND Consequences. Now.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Ayn Rand opens Chapter 34 (Seeing Eyeball to Egg Yolk) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
"Only fools learn from their own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others." - Russian Proverb
This Russian Proverb has been one of the hardest truths for me to swallow.
Self-taught, on my hands and knees, I searched for my reflection in the toilet bowl amid the stench of vomit inches from my face. I learned that the puking brought on by drinking too much would soon stop if I continued drinking sip by sip as the vomiting continued. I wish I hadn't taught myself so well.
Learning lessons from the mistakes of others would take a decade longer when I finally did get sober.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Russian Proverb ends Chapter 34 (Seeing Eyeball to Egg Yolk) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 35 Cocaine-Laced Icing on My Rum Cake
"If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others." - Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
GOSSIPING About Others and COMPLAINING of Our Own Dire Straits are the EVIL TWINS of a Lazy Tongue. Positive Progress Dwells in a Mindset of Actions Big and Small & Not in Doing Nothing but talk, Talk, TALK.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld opens Chapter 35 (Cocaine-Laced Icing on My Rum Cake) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
"When things go wrong, don't go with them." - Anonymous
*****
Dull, Insipid, Banal, Trite.
But when not Wrong, this Quote's so Right.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Anonymous (pictured) closes Chapter 35 (Cocaine-Laced Icing on My Rum Cake) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 36 A.D.D.: Alcohol Deficit Disorder
"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." - James Joyce
ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.: I humbly crawled and repeatedly fell before I could remain Sober without my Go-To Substance (Alcohol). My Delusional Thinking had a Momentum all its own. So much Unravelling to do before a Sober Tapestry could be brought to light. The Terror of it All are now mere Memories. Recovery is so right for all who seek it. Time, Patience and a little Shared Courage most certainly will help.
INFRASTRUCTURE of the RECOVERING KIND: My Internal Windows, Doors, Bridges and Roads were in Desperate Need of Construction and Reconstruction when I first got Sober. It is my Personal & Life-Long Responsibility to Create and Live a Life in Recovery. Addiction is DESTRUCTION. The Choice is obvious, and the Work is hard but remember that "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
DISCOVER RECOVERY, then MAINTAIN, MAINTAIN, MAINTAIN.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by James Joyce opens Chapter 36 (A.D.D.: Alcohol Deficit Disorder) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
"I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it." - Oscar Wilde
"GET A LIFE!" vs. "YOU GET A LIFE!"
The Consequences of my Alcoholic Descent Snow-Balled and the Road to Recovery was a rebuilding of what was worth salvaging in the remaining debris and from that, the creation of a new and sober life.
The Consequences of Addiction vs. The Consequences of Recovery?
"Get a Life!" (an Admonition in Addiction) vs. "You Get a Life!" in Recovery.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Oscar Wilde closes Chapter 36 (A.D.D.: Alcohol Deficit Disorder) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 37 Alcoholic, Straight or Iced
"Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." - Arthur Schopenhauer
My Field of Vision became limited in my Addiction, to be sure. Like a Horse wearing Blinders, all I saw on the Road Ahead was Another Drink. In Recovery my Perception went from a Constrained View to an Expansive One.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Arthur Schopenhauer opens Chapter 37 (Alcoholic, Straight or Iced) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
"There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact." - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"I am a high-functioning alcoholic. Obviously, you don't understand the creative process." That's what I may have at one time answered if confronted by others about the mounting negative consequences of my daily bouts with drugs and alcohol.
Does "I was only fooling myself" ring any bells?
My degree of dysfunction was never considered. I was always too busy protecting my bottle.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle closes Chapter 37 (Alcoholic, Straight or Iced) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 38 Bartender, Give Me My Level of Addiction
*****
"SIMPLICITY IS COMPLEXITY WELL DONE." - Jeff Jarvis
I saw a T-Shirt on the Boardwalk which reads: "I don't have a Drinking Problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No Problem!" Intuitively we know the intent of this humorous approach. It is an admission of both "Leave me alone" & "I need help" by my interpretation.
And yet, there are those who will disagree with me. PROVES MY POINT: It is Simply Complex! ha-ha.
Well Done!
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Jeff Jarvis opens Chapter 38 (Bartender, Give Me My Level of Addiction) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
*****
"We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings." - Ovid
In the most twisted sense, I HURT MY OWN FEELINGS.
You see, Alcohol Deadened All Feelings, not only those I wished submerged. How could I believe this substance had such power over me? Truly, I did not wish it so. I cannot fully blame myself, however, as so many in the world seem to do. Addiction is so neatly and conveniently Stigmatized by the Masses. If Addiction were not so Stigmatized, might I have sooner seen myself losing control of my drug and alcohol use?
Old as the hills, far older than I, "If Wishes Were Horses, Beggars Would Ride."
Recovery is largely a matter of discovering the Inside inside.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Ovid closes Chapter 38 (Bartender, Give Me My Level of Addiction) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
Chapter 39 Deadly, Slowly, Consequently
"I don't do drugs, I am drugs." Salvador Dali
ALCOHOL was "my poison, my prison. A brick wall, a trap door, a cancer, a bad joke, an empty bottle, an excuse, a leaky faucet, a loan shark, a broken promise, a cracked mirror, an earthquake, an avalanche, a train wreck, a recurring nightmare." ALCOHOL WAS MY INSANITY.
Drugs flowed through me. Now, I flow with my Recovery and am resolute, determined, unflinching. I will that I will not drug today.
I wish anyone who is reading this the same.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Salvador Dali opens Chapter 39 (Deadly, Slowlly, Consequently) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
WALLS BOXED ME IN (the walls of addiction), NOT AT FIRST. In the beginning drinking and drugs were a way to get over my social awkwardness and to feel a sense of belonging. Drinking and Drugs were rampant in my teenage and early adult years. THEY USED TO ESTABLISH CONNECTION. So very sad and wrong that once the addictions took over, STIGMA kept me entrenched, alienated. By the end of my thirty-year run there was no one left to break down the walls that had been built around me. "By the time I had a reason to stop drinking, reason no longer had anything to do with it."
Truly, I WAS HELPLESS in my early recovery.
I am not helpless now, but I still need help. Reaching out to help others is about all I have left to do. Walls have Windows, Doors. Roads have Bridges. Socrates (circa 470 - 399 BC), you have expanded my vision today. Thank you for having been alive and shared your wisdom with the generations.
Help may come from the most distant times and places.
Recovery is Possible, Doable, Irreplaceable.
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
The Quote by Socrates opens Chapter 40 (The New Normal) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
I didn't start out with negative thinking, but when drinking for something to do turned into something I could not do without, I found myself drowning in a sea of alcohol. Eventually, drinking stopped the pain of not drinking. Thirty (30!) Years and Fifty Thousand (50,000!) Drinks became "an unspeakable crime."
Did I even know I needed help when I was deep in the soup?
Hell, no!
And early recovery sucked even with all the help in the world. What I learned was that for me, drinking and drugs had become self-harm, no matter how it started.
Recovery is a Life-Preserver, literally and figuratively.
Like a Creature from The Deep, slowly, I evolved the legs I needed to support myself on Dry Land. With any luck, I'll balance my 30 Years of Addiction with 30 Years of Recovery. But no matter. My motto is now this: "Don't Count the Days. Make the Days Count." - Muhammad Ali
*****
Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in this Autobiographical Fiction. Emerge more fully whole.
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All Drinking Aside bookends each of its 90 Chapters with Quotes by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous.
This Quote by Maxwell Maltz closes Chapter 40 (The New Normal) of All Drinking Aside.
Resolve to read it. Explore your own mind within its pages. Check out the 5 Star Reviews on the Amazon page while you're there: https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c Enjoy.
