30 January 2019

Worried by Alcoholism? I Wasn't.... (Worry is Like a Rocking Chair... )


"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
- Anonymous
*****
For at least the first decade of my drinking career, calling myself an alcoholic, at least to the people sitting on the barstools next to me, was not a problem. Bragging rights. "I don't know how I got home, I was so messed up." Expressions like these were commonplace. But by the second decade, I started losing coats, keys, apartments, jobs. The progression of alcoholism with all its subtle and in-your-face changes is not a straight downward descent. It is marked by peaks and valleys. My third decade of drinking was littered with lapses in employment and housing. That new normal required that I drink at home, alone, when I had a home. By that time, I was not worried by alcoholism, I was worried about the next drink. Increasingly I drank more. My blackouts would occur around the end of the sixth drink and I would continue to drink until I passed out, usually two or three hours later, by my recollection.
"The further alcohol took me away from myself, the less I understood that I was losing my foothold. From the outside, I am sure it looked like I was becoming more and more selfish, but increasingly, I was not feeding myself, i was feeding my disease. The more selfish I may have appeared, the more my disease had dissolved my self away."
Not worrying in my addiction was really a form of defeatism. In recovery, not worrying is a positive thing. 
Recovery: Do the next right thing, the next right thing. 
No worry.
End of story.
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
The passage in quotes, above, is from ALL DRINKING ASIDE.
I hope that this post will serve as a bridge, a window and a door
to what you will find there....
*****
ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction
of an Alcoholic Animal
Find it on Amazon.com. Book it here: https://goo.gl/ycu5jg
Recovery Tweets here: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
99+ Recovery Posts onLinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

24 January 2019

15 New & Improved "Favorite Recovery Tweets" (with a few links)


(in alphabetical order, not in order by favorites [BTW, my favorites are 4, 10 & 12].)

1) 88,000 people a year die of alcohol-related causes, more than twice the annual death toll of opiate overdose. - WashPost

2) Alcohol took over the desire for all else, including the desire to stop.

3) The art in concentration camps was produced despite the facts, not because of them. So, too, what I wrote when drunk. Despite addiction.

4) By The Time I Had A Reason To Quit Drinking, Reason No Longer Had Anything To Do With It. 

(This Tweet links with this LinkedIn Post):https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/time-i-had-reason-quit-longer-anything-do-jim-anders/?published=t
5) Cognitive Dissonance: Alcohol, an Avalanche, Comforting as it Kills...
(This Tweet links with this LinkedIn Post):https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/alcoholic-problem-up-deaths-door-alcohol-comforting-kills-jim-anders/?published=t 

6) EMPATHY'S SOBER BEGINNINGS: "Bleeding Now Where I Didn't Bleed Then"​: "Addiction blocked out and eventually shut down my ability to empathize during my alcoholic descent.... " 
(This Tweet links with this LinkedIn Post):https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/empathys-sober-beginnings-bleeding-now-where-i-didnt-bleed-jim-anders/?published=t …
7) "Every recovery meeting is an intervention between me and the first drink." - p. 81, All Drinking Aside
8) The Flow of Alcohol is Beaten by The Flow of Life. (The River of Time is Slow & Deep)
9) "I did WHAT? WHEN? (Time Travel, as Goes the Alcoholic)"
(This Tweet links with the LinkedIn Post titled "An Emotional Pendulum Created & Propagated by Alcohol's Daily Highs & Lows... "): https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-did-what-when-time-travel-goes-alcoholic-jim-anders/?published=t …

10) I was surviving when I drank & became a survivor when I stopped.

11) "Pills for everything except for who I am." - p. 213, All Drinking Aside

12) The punishment for addiction is time served.

(This Tweet links with this LinkedIn Post): 
https://bit.ly/2Uh5qax

13) What the hell is a "C.A.G.E.D. / G.R.A.P.E.S. / W.I.S.H."? 

(This Tweet links with this LinkedIn Post):

14) What would ONE WORD for EVERY DRINK I ever had look like? Well, the 82,313 words in [my book] just about cover it.

15) When I first got sober, I thought my life would be leafless and dull. Instead, my life went from NEVER green to EVERGREEN!
*****
Lucky for me, this list ends on a sweet note. 
Discover 1,000's more Sweet Recovery Tweets here: https://twitter.com/JimAnders4  
ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal  
Find it on Amazon.com. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO   
99+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b 


21 January 2019

A Different A.D.D.... NOT Attention Deficit Disorder... Guess, then Read....


A Different A.D.D.
NOT Attention Deficit Disorder, characterized by having difficulty paying attention, being hyperactive and exhibiting impulsive behavior. I'm talking about Alcohol Deficit Disorder, an attention-grabbing acronym for alcoholism. Where it took me. What it did to me.
*****
Now what? What next? Where?
*****
"To try to tell the story of my life, I see there is no story to tell, just episodes united by the disease of alcoholism. Selective recall. I doubt hypnosis would reveal much more of note as most memories were never formed in the first place during my nearly daily blackouts. Artificial excitement, emotions raised and lowered by drugs and alcohol. Opportunities pursued drunkenly or not at all.
Sometimes I wished I could stop, but I never thought I could stop drinking. Half of my Tower of Babel was my alcohol-induced inability to understand A.D.D. (Alcohol Deficit Disorder). 'I'll gladly pay you Tuesday to stop my alcohol deficit today.'"
*****
Perpetual taking. That's what alcohol did to me. And me, all the time, thinking it added to my creativity, despite the illegibly scribbled notes I might have woken up to. In no way did alcohol expand my vision, actually or metaphorically. Like a horse wearing blinders, I saw only the road ahead and the road ahead contained only the next drink.
Always in a state of alcohol deficit, the drink in hand, never enough.
Of course, that was never my intention. Alcohol changes intentions into a wide arc that circles back upon itself, complete only in the next drink, the illusion of the next drink.
*****
The continuous undulation of a complete, fulfilling and utter presence in this moment.
Alcohol could give not give me that.
Focused attention on the spectacle of an ordinary life.
Alcohol would not give me that.
The wind blows over the dunes on the beach beneath me, crystalline sand blowing my way and the ocean waves singularly and together meet and define the shoreline.
Alcohol did not want to give me that.
*****
Abundance, satisfaction, the simple perfection of life as it is.
The order of life, imperfect, perceptible in recovery.
*****
My Alcohol Deficit Disorder is DEAD.
Recovery uncovers reality, minus the unreality of addiction.
Subtract alcohol.
ADD Recovery.
Stand back.
Live.
*****
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." 
*****
The passages above in quotes are excerpted from All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal  
Find it on Amazon.com. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
Recovery Tweets here: https://twitter.com/JimAnders4   
99+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b 

When I Pick Up a Drink, I Relinquish the Knowledge that Escape is Possible

*****
Once I have picked up a drink, I seemingly relinquish the knowledge that escape from addiction is always possible. Or so it has always seemed.
Here, an edited excerpt from Chapter 47, "Alcoholic Bonsai Bastard," elaborates:
*****
"I cling tenaciously to my sobriety, like a true bonsai in nature might cling to an outcropping of rocks, a life in miniature....
Emotions eroded by the flow of alcohol through my veins stunted my maturing process. Much, if not most, of sobriety has been simply learning to grow up no longer under the influence. Addictions' lies appearing bigger than the truths they obscured. Fragile, unverifiable, contaminated, directionless, I was delivered to the doors of the rooms of recovery powerless over my addictions, frightened, a pathological and tragic figure at best. The cage door of addiction was always open and I was afraid of freedom from addiction because it was incomprehensible and seemed impossible."
*****
"The cage door of addiction was always open" but I did not ever know that escape was possible, much less desirable, that life could be worth living without my so-called precious alcohol. Truly, I am glad those days are over, but experience in relapse has taught me time and again that "once I have picked up a drink... the knowledge that escape from addiction is always possible" evaporates into thin air and I ask myself what happened to my last drink as I frantically search for the next.
The search is over. 
Recovery has been found. 
Now, I repeat myself, like a bell resounding recovery, "I cling tenaciously to my sobriety, like a true bonsai in nature might cling to an outcropping of rocks." This I will not give up. Addiction, for today, is done. Recovery has won.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Passages in quotes are from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal  
Find it on Amazon.com. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
Recovery Tweets here: https://twitter.com/JimAnders4  
99+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b