30 December 2017

Today's Reviewer: "it's really challenging me to... change my false reality and conquer my future!" - 5***** Star Review of ALL DRINKING ASIDE


on December 30, 2017

I didn't drink for almost a year but I've been struggling with life, Alcohol is one 
contribution to that struggle. I'm using your book to help guide me to a better place, 
but I'll proably have to read it again and again (I'm a very visual person) so far 
though it's really challenging me to think, reflect...change my false reality and 
conquer my future!


*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Look here for the other 29 Five Star Reviews of ALL DRINKING ASIDE: 
The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

29 December 2017

The Unintended Consequences of Recovery? (But FIRST!):


Take any little sliver of addiction and unintended consequences will smack you in the face. Take this small slice, a character commenting on my near death at knife point, for example:
*****
(Surimi): A knife, intended for his throat: the unintended consequences of alcoholism, far beyond the destruction caused by alcohol alone. The effects with no provable cause and effect. The insanity of alcoholism does not operate under the rules of logic, of this cause or that. Unknowable, unexpected heartbreaks and disaster. Collateral damage. Damaged souls drawn to one another. Alcohol consumed. Sanity consumed. Catastrophic consequences inevitable.
This cannot be good. Ever....
*****
... THAT WAS A SLICE, the smallest of slivers of alcoholism and addiction. A wide swath of destruction is left in addiction's path, a debt of debris, physical, mental, spiritual and beyond, that may never be fully salvaged. No matter the origin or reason behind that first drink or drug, once it becomes a habit and transforms into a full-blown addiction, that self-prescribed medicine becomes a menace.
*****
[Sad, little footnote on the knife-wielder's son in the sliver excerpted above: a full decade after what I had assumed at the time would be my life's end, I ran into him at the bus terminal. He was 13 at the time of this incident and 23 when I ran into him this time. Living in the Rescue Mission, homeless, he told me that his mother. who at that time had been my best friend, had died of a heroin overdose. This was the first time I'd seen him in the intervening years. I don't know where his father and two sisters are. It was a 30-second meeting by chance, ended by him getting on a bus. BTW, it was his father who wielded the knife Surimi mentioned in the sliver, above.]
*****
Addiction and alcoholism change everything. Everything. Insert your name, your substance, your family and friends, your everything. Addiction changes... everything. The details don't seem to matter much sometimes. Unintended consequences, lives upended.
Sometimes my memories leave me feeling empty and only recovery can fill that emptiness.
Only recovery. Nothing else whatsoever.
Recovery's Unintended Consequences? 
GRATITUDE! GRATITUDE! GRATITUDE!
It took me long enough to answer the question posed in the title of this post, didn't it?
It was a dead giveaway, LoL. Seriously... gratitude.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
The passage spoken by Surimi is excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b





26 December 2017

18 Favorite Recovery-Related Quotes for 2018 (Happy, Deep & More)


HAPPY 2018! (in no particular order):

1) "I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on." - Oscar Levant

2) "Because you are alive, everything is possible." - Thich Nhat Hanh

3) "The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." - Samuel Johnson

4) "Everything you own, owns a part of you." - Gracie Allen

5) "The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." - Mark Twain

6) "To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in suffering." - Viktor Frankl

7) "It's not trespassing when you cross your own boundaries." - Anonymous

8) "In a full heart there is room for everything and in an empty heart there is room for nothing." - Antonio Porchia

9) "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." - Anonymous

10) "How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that make me want to drink?" - Anonymous

11) "Silent Gratitude isn't very much use to anyone." - Gertrude Stein

12) "It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." - Andrew J. Holmes

13) "Talk doesn't cook rice." - Chinese Proverb

14) "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." - Lily Tomlin

15) "Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens." - Epictetus

16) "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them." - Albert Einstein

17) "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." - Jim Anders

18) "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop
*****
(Please note: The "Me We" pictured is by Muhammad Ali, Harvard University, 1975, and is credited as being the world's shortest poem)

*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
These and 172 additional quotes by the famous, infamous and anonymous are to be found in ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

25 December 2017

These 4 Short Reviews Score ALL DRINKING ASIDE 5***** Stars

1) By Gail Mary
Brilliance at it's absolute best!!! Captivating to say the least!!! Unlike any other book on the beast of the bottle!!!!
2) By Scott H
I appreciated his sharing of what is a intense and frightening story. It was a pleasure reading and his writing is well balanced in being entertaining as well as inspiring. His quotations reveal some heartfelt humility and intelligent humor.
3) By Marlene 
Humor, satire, fantasy...the book has it all. This autobiographical "fiction" will make you laugh; nod your head in agreement; question. You don't need to be an alcoholic ( active or passive, past or present ) to relate to Jim's characters and situations. My wife and I have totally enjoyed reading it.
4) By David W. MacDonald 
Autobiographical novel? So I probably wouldn't need my high-lighter, right WRONG!!! The book was so good that I found myself starting to bend the corners of certain pages and finally broke down and started high-lighting many passages. Much of the book is now high-lighted in yellow. Jim Anders tells the journey inside the mind of an alcoholic/addict from the beginnings through recovery. Whether or not you are an addict/alcoholic, we all know someone who is (often in our family). This book clears away the mystery of much that is going on. I highly recommend it and am already thinking of people to whom I might gift it.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Look here for 25 lengthier 5***** Star Reviews of ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b


I Have Found My Place Within the Human Race. No Race at All. My Cup is Full.

I know of suffering more than my words express because I live in gratitude today. As old as dirt, yet recovery makes my every day seem fresh. I'm blessed to have these two so very different lives playing out back-to-back. Victim of addiction, survivor, prisoner, pauper, prince. This drunk, whose cup, now empty, is at once quite full, brims to excess, but here's the rub. My gratitude comes to me in the most unwilling ways at times. 
*****
Today, the words flow fairly easily from me. The real struggle is in rewriting them in a way that others might get a glimpse of life's fragility expressing itself to me. I'm so thankful for my emotions, sometimes complex, barely understood, but which with time reveal themselves to me in startling ways. My unfiltered awareness will reach that point where the obvious is impossible to ignore. "The very process of writing... has increased my self-discovery. In my notes, typed in without asterisks, italics or exclamation points, I found this simple entry, a note to myself: 'Alcohol replaced self-discovery.' Like that was an insignificant afterthought, interesting, but of no real importance. And yet, there it was, brushed over, cast aside, almost ignored."
Alcohol replaced self-discovery... REPLACED IT! There is the horror of addiction, to me, to me. Self-discovery obliterated. Those who do not know ask questions like "Why is he being so selfish?" WOW! It didn't feel that way to me as I sped to my bottom, still decelerating in early recovery. I had almost missed this most basic of facts. 
Epiphanies are clear to me mostly after they have already occurred. Things seep in slowly and take quite awhile to stick. By the time they do sink in, it's like they were always there, waiting for me to wake up to them.
*****
Addiction, alcohol, their effects and after-effects were never, ever quite like that. Coming to after a three-day excursion from reality left no possibilities for a growing self-awareness of any kind. Self-knowledge had been replaced by knowing only that I would need another drink to calm my nerves. Alcohol, the drug whose damaging effects were best remedied by a newer and more disturbing series of dangling, drunken binges. 
Recovery has replaced the endless, fruitless cycles of my addictions. Easily, I could have died, was dying, almost did die. Gratefully, I have lived to experience fulfillment in a sober and very real world. Helping others is a major win/win fact for me. Without others I could easily fail. Gosh, my life has become so good sober. But "... there it was, brushed over, cast aside aside, almost ignored..." that alcohol had replaced self-discovery.
My addictions were unsustainable. But it is not that way today. When I found Recovery, my life became more stable, subtle, sustainable. Peace possible, self-discovery within reach. Serenity within its realm, alive, here, now. 
Today, my recovery has become about reciprocity, my inward self and outward connections. The walls between me and the outer-world, somewhat dissolved, replaced by a sense of connectedness the likes of which alcohol had once destroyed, with me, a crumpled heap upon an unknown floor.
Addiction and now recovery. What a life that this has been and has become. I know of suffering more than my words express. As old as dirt, yet recovery makes every day so fresh. So odd, how life brings you back to yourself and fills you. The empty cup before you brims with life.
If my only purpose is to have found a purpose, that is enough. It takes little to please me so these days. Rejoice. I have found my place within the human race. No race at all. My cup is full.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
The passage in quotes is excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b


24 December 2017

Short, Sweet, Drunk, Delusional & more... More... MORE!!!


How Sweet it Wasn't:
*****
"When I drink, the only world there is, is alcohol. I will drink until I blackout and I will continue drinking until I pass out. More is the only world I know. More, until I blackout and then still more until my body shuts down and I pass out. And somehow, even then, more is not enough. My disease cannot ever be satisfied. When there is nothing else, there is always more.
More is everything... and nothing.
I will never be like most normal folks.
When I drink, the only world there is, is alcohol.... "
*****
Obviously, that is not how I live today. For me, being alcohol-free is the only freedom possible. Chemically-induced insanity is not my cup of tea. A life that once seemed impossible without alcohol is now only possible without it.
*****
I'll keep it short. Today, my post has no need for MORE!!!
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
The passage in quotes is excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b





ALL DRINKING ASIDE Diagnosed "CLEVER" by Medic


5.0 out of 5 stars
A Medic writes,     
"I have read "All Drinking Aside" twice now, and look for different excerpts and meditations daily. Jim's clever conception of alter egos, as if anyone or alcoholic knows, an alcoholic has many, is genius at least. Some of the heart felt stories and the great lengths Jim has gone for recovery, shows what sobriety means to him. Substitute any vice for alcohol, out of the book, and anyone can apply some of the principles Jim has to offer, in their daily lives. This book has helped me in many ways, to help maintain my own sobriety, and how to continue to grow as a person. I related to many of Jim's character flaws and the depth he went to go to climb out of the pit of despair. I do not look at this book as just a recovery book, but a self help book for all to benefit from. Very well written and composed !!"

*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Take a Ride on ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

Different Drugs of Choice / United in Recovery


I became friends with a guy on Facebook not too long ago and in the matter of a few seconds he sort of dismissed me, explaining that his substance was cocaine and mine was alcohol. End of story, so he thought.
End of story? Not really. I sent him this personal message:
***** 
"Alcohol is my poison, my prison. A brick wall, a trap door, a cancer, a bad joke, an empty bottle, an excuse, a leaky faucet, a loan shark, a broken promise, a cracked mirror, an earthquake, an avalanche, a train wreck, a recurring nightmare. Alcohol is my insanity."
Then I asked him: "Was Cocaine your poison, your prison? A brick wall, a trap door, a cancer, a bad joke, an empty bottle, an excuse, a leaky faucet, a loan shark, a broken promise, a cracked mirror, an earthquake, an avalanche, a train wreck, a recurring nightmare? Was Cocaine your insanity?"
*****
Our differing addictions, mine to a legal substance, his to an illegal one, led us, in short order, to identify with each other. Where we once had different drugs of choice, we now had unity of purpose in our pursuit of Recovery. Our goals in Recovery were parallel. Those parallel lines formed a road. That road is the Road of Recovery. We could and did help each other. Our days of arguing apples and oranges were over before they started. Our common purpose in maintaining and sustaining our Recovery united us. The common thread in the fabric of our lives sustains us. I and he became we in a moment which continues.
I, you, he, she, it, we, you and they are United in Recovery. Our differences of personality are secondary to our common humanity. Helping one helps each and all. A sane and sober world is created, recreated, sustained.
Whatever Our Differences, We Stand United in Recovery! 
I did not drink today. You did not drug today. Our drugs of choice are gone. A sane, sober and responsible future stretches before us. Alcohol is a Drug / Cocaine is a Drug: BINGO! In Recovery UNITED!
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Take a Ride on ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

23 December 2017

STOP with the Hectic Pace, SLOW Your Roll!


I can remember, early in my drinking career, being asked to pace myself, to pace my drinking because we would have a long night ahead of us, bar-hopping until all the bars closed and we sought the after-hours clubs and then and then and then.... 
Pace yourself.
But too often, the horse was already out of the barn and the race was on. To pace myself became an increasingly painful task. This I could not do. My horse had no shoes and wanted to Run Wild. Beyond description this horse that carried me. Once the blackout drinking started, this horse had a headless rider and wild horses could not stop it. Or me. Or insanity. Oh, yes. Insanity. You know they couldn't, those wild horses couldn't.
You know.
*****
STOP!
*****
Recovery is not like that. You got off that wild horse and are on your own feet now, responsible. There is no race to a thousand bars in one night or one bar for a thousand nights. So many nights, endless nights. This is you. This is real. 
Slow down. 
Find your sober pace. It's your recovery. That wild horse will never be tamed. Dismount. Find your solid ground. Drifting is going backward. but so is moving forward too fast. The World of Impatience (the world we live in) is not especially conducive to recovery. The Pony Express has been replaced by Snail Mail and so you see, nothing is good enough or fast enough in the world of 'we want it yesterday.' 
Recovery is difficult, granted. Our culture, changed by the rush of the global economy and the internet, seems to bring the possibility of a next drink closer somehow. Too uncomfortably close. Don't let it. Create your own sober life-style within that larger world of chaos. The world will not change. But you can. 
Adapt. 
Sobriety is a delicate balance. Can you remain sober and sane in this insane world? If you pace yourself, find your own rhythm of recovery, you can and will. The extremes of addiction will be shattered by the harmony of a common goal if you create a network of recovery for yourself. We. Recover. Together. What most of us seem unable to do alone. 
Shared Courage. 
Recovery is Obtainable. Sustainable. Yours. At Your pace. This is Your Recovery. Slow. Steady. Forward.
The Rhythm of Recovery is Yours. To Have. To Hold. For Keeps. Savor Life. Thirst for it, not what took that thirst away, savor.
Pace. Yourself. A Sober Pace. A Sober Life. This Sober Life is Ours to Savor. This Sober Life is Ours. This Sober Life.
Enjoy Each and Every Sober Breath! The Race is over (and so is this post!).
Happy Holidays to All!
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Take a Ride on ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

21 December 2017

RECOVERY: Sweet Freedom. Can You Taste It? There Is Enough For Everyone.


Imagine the lightest and brightest of white rooms, no windows, a closed door, you and nothing else for what seemed like endless days. Avoided, ignored, rejected. This was you in solitary confinement. Eternal emptiness, no longer caring that you did not care.
You had learned to despise yourself somewhere back before the drinks could no longer count themselves. A victim of substance abuse, you were frayed, hurting until it could no longer hurt. You shared adjoining rooms with desolation in this Funhouse of Addiction. Co-occuring disorders became the order of the day even when they didn't start out that way. Definitions were assigned to you with sharp pins. Maybe you felt them, maybe you didn't. Cluttered, dirty, cornered, you could no longer focus. Your strength was waning. All that was left, one last drink. The glass was too, too heavy. You could not pick it up. 
Hospitals. Detox after detox. A thousand means of exit from this insanity. Shunned, shamed, you felt as if you deserved no better....
*****
I was there once, too. 
In actuality, I could never manage my drinking. Endless nights of sitting in bars saying to myself that I would leave after I had just one more drink, then staying hours beyond endurance. And excuses which were really elaborate inventions to whitewash the truth.
*****
To any happy social drinker reading this, are you now beginning to see why I would never again risk a drink, to think that I, like you, could be a social drinker? Social drinker, beware, you may be heading to a thousand dead ends, like I did, before I surrendered and the war finally ended.
I never was not an alcoholic or so it seems. My will is to never try to be like the social drinkers of this world.
My drinking days are done.
Surrender. Surrender. The only way this war is won. 
Lay down your sword, your chalice, your armor. 
Surrender.
Sweet freedom. 
Can you taste it? 
There is enough for everyone.


*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Take a Ride on ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

20 December 2017

Alcohol, You Do Not Own Me Today


Alcohol is my addiction, was my addiction, is. You see, I'm sober now. Thirteen plus years of continuous sobriety. Living in my teenage years of recovery, I must still look back at my old insanity, sometimes in disbelief, always in relief that I do not live that way today. 
Was my addiction, is. Grammatically imperfect - Fact. But my memory is intact now of what was not intact then. I cannot be deceived to believe I could not be that way again. More simply put, I am addicted to alcohol, was addicted, in unwavering recovery, secure, serene, that tightrope always there, a wagon to fall off of, always a choice, however remote. 
In long-term recovery, for me to pick up a drink would be a disaster waiting to happen. Never was I a social drinker. That old insanity that addiction is could so easily return. But what seemed to be my curse has become a blessing. You see, I have new eyes now on what living is all about, a perspective on living not possible had I not become a victim of addiction. Now, I am responsible in my recovery. 
Addicted to chaos no longer. I have learned that addiction is far more than a substance (or many substances). Yes, forever now, the old insanity is within my arm's reach. Always. Curious, too, that relapse, however remote, is still a possibility. This possibility of relapse is part of my continuing gratitude. It keeps me strong. Each day I choose to not drink. One day shy of that old insanity. One day longer, stronger, a little more sane. I do not want or need that old, sad song. I want to live, to belong. I do not belong to addiction today. I am now sober, stronger, a little more sane.
We Are Recovery. Sober. Saner. Stronger. More alive.
Alcohol, you do not own me today.
Not for sale.
Sail on, Alcohol, nice try.
Sail on, Alcohol, good-bye. 

*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Take a Ride on ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

19 December 2017

Empathy, Unproven / Recovery, Interwoven


Most certainly, believing that the world is flat does not make it so. But in this example, I truly am certain that another and I had shared a moment of complete and total empathy. With no way to prove it, was this merely a moment self-constructed, the placebo effect of my own malfunctioning brain in early recovery? Or was it some validation of mere imagining that the world out there was not completely hostile, that I could heal my addiction shattered heart?
When serendipitous scenes as these unfold, each of us must decide for ourselves whether it is real or not or if only the emotion evoked is real. Or does it matter? Can consequence alone prove the unproven, turn upright any doubt?
Here again, to each their own. It is for you to decide and you alone. For me, I have found that recovery is interwoven, facts, emotions, the past and future intertwined. For me, truth and imagination are sometimes interchangeable.
The tide come in. The tide goes out. And I move forward.
Oh, yes, as best as I could recollect and record, the single influential moment of shared imperfection and discord, aforementioned went like this....
*****
"The young teenage girl, physically malformed, suffering from a severe brain disorder, stood outside the port-cochere at Trump Plaza. Somehow left alone for a few moments as I happened to walk by, she had the composure and the demeanor of someone exquisitely rich, from the upper stratospheres of class, a Kennedy or Vanderbilt, perhaps. Her wealth, inherited, could not be hidden behind her obvious physical and mental deformities.
I have survived this day and my alcohol addiction and wish only to quietly pass by her, rich in my disease, my deformity. I succeed, finally, to pass by her equally noticed and not noticed, equally proud, free and not free...."
*****
Life goes on. We went our separate ways. I wish that she would know that she changed me that day, a feeling crystallized, a storehouse of emotions for future epiphanies.
I am not alone in this. We are not alone. Door. Window. Bridge. The world unfolds before me sober. I was not consumed by alcohol today.
For me, recovery is interwoven, facts, emotions, the past and future intertwined. For me, truth and imagination are sometimes interchangeable.
The tide come in. The tide goes out. And I move forward.
Our lives flow forward, full of substance when our substances are put aside.
Empathy is proven when our recovery, interwoven, unfolds closely to how it seems it should. Like this.
This life can be so good....

*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
Passage in quotes from ALL DRINKING ASIDE, An Autobiographical Fiction: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
140+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

01 December 2017

Sugar-Coated Excuses in a Toolbox of Denial and Lies


If there are things you wish to never forget, you might do well to meditate on them. Blackout drinking is near the top of that list for me. Many social drinkers out there don't understand exactly what blackout drinking is. Conscious in the moment, the drinker continues to drink up a storm. To the observer, it appears impossible that he or she will not later remember the events taking place. After all, the person is still awake and drinking. How could they not remember? The blackout drinker does not remember because no memories are being formed. Essentially, there is no memory to remember....
***** 
Denial was my Tootsie Pop, the butterscotch of my addiction within this hardball sugar coating. Orange and gold, somehow forgivable. Gumdrops, lollipops... Some wrapped too tight, many unraveling. Blackouts from drinking rolled in coconut. Or cocaine. How did I survive this? How will I survive this? I cannot, should not, must not do this alone.
*****
Yes. It was like that. Very much like that. Exactly like that. Let me not fail to mention bragging rights. Going out the very next night, repeatedly bragging that we did not remember what happened to all our money, where our conversations had failed, how we got home. Each trying to outdo the next, each claiming to be more drunk than the next, a sort of party game we only partially knew we were playing.
At least this. At least that. There are always a million ways to diminish how dangerous blackout drinking is. My big at least (among others) was "at least I no longer drive a car," as if that somehow made it all alright. Diminish, exaggerate. What really did happen? Try a big, fat nothing. Addiction fed, addiction fed. Pass out in bed, almost dead. 
*****
Realistically, blackout drinking is very, very dangerous, but it became the new normal for me. I got home safely, didn't I? Oh, well, I'd say to myself in one of my many states of denial.
The irony here is that I must remember now that I could not remember then. This is not lost on me. Clarity, another tool in my toolbox replacing the butterscotch of my addiction....
*****
Move over, Rover. Recovery finally took over.
Those were the days that weren't. Empty candy wrappers and the illusion of candy. 
Recovery is the real real deal. 
Use every tool in your recovery toolbox. Illusions shattered will take some tinkering. Not to mention... tons and tons of your unthinker-ing, LoL!
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
*****
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
*****
You may also enjoy, then share, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
160+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b