30 November 2022

Triggers


Connection with others is my Trigger to Recovery.

Of course, it didn't start out that way. When I first got Clean & Sober, after all the substances left by bloodstream and my brain, a certain residue remained. I was an addict and an alcoholic without the drugs. After 30 years of daily alcohol and drug use, I was left grasping at straws, and swizzle sticks- tell the truth. Everything reminded me of drinks and drugs. The only thing in my toolbox was a half-gallon plastic bottle of the world's cheapest vodka followed by almost anything else available as each day and night progressed.
When everything is a Trigger, nothing is a Trigger. Yes, I was that burned out and hopeless. Not drinking felt like a form of punishment to me. That I could not drink and drug and live seemed obvious. Eight years of multiple relapses was my form of slowly tapering off the drugs and the lifestyle. As a matter of fact, I was a bartender for my very first year sober.
Somehow, a drink found its way into my hands and there began 7 years of drinking and not drinking, on and off the wagon with broken wheels. 
The many broken promises and a thousand lame excuses behind me, I thought I could never carve myself a life in recovery that could fill up what had become the empty glass of a broken life.

Which brings me to now, after a sigh, a pause and a renewed breath.

Everything was a Trigger, truly, at first. My drunk dreams lasted for months, daily, seriously daily. Emotions, internal, stuffed deep down by denial slowly released themselves. Internal and external triggers were everywhere. Memories, every sight and sound, took me back to wanting a drink I knew I had to grow beyond. 

Eighteen years later, the pop sound of opening a can of soda still sounds like a can of beer to my alcoholic ear, despite the fact I didn't really care that much for beer but would drink it in the shower from a sippy cup to sober up while showering and readying myself for work, when I had work. Home, when I had a home. Self, when I had a self. 

It was bad.

I would learn to replace my triggers with actions. Nature abhors a vacuum. The mere absence of drugs and alcohol could never be enough. Replacement of everything I did drunk, which was everything, would have to be replaced, slowly, by what became a life lived fully in recovery.

Trigger>Thought>Craving>Use.

I had to learn to stop such thoughts in their tracks by taking action, doing something until such thoughts were dispelled. I've heard that doing something, anything, for 20 minutes, will clear the mind of triggers until the next one crops up. Reading, writing, singing, dancing, taking a walk, whatever it takes, take it.

Parties, sporting events, concerts, so much as passing a liquor store or a certain highway exit, on and on, were all triggers for me at first because before I got sober, every activity included a dozen drinks before, after and during,

A Gratitude List and a Daily Commitment to Recovery helped me train my impulsiveness. 

The knowledge of my powerlessness over drugs and alcohol slowly were replaced by power over my own choices and behaviors. 

Time and dedication of purpose.

Today, triggers make me snicker. I'm a Trigger Snicker-er. OMG (spelled J-O-Y), I am so happy to have travelled the long haul to today.

Let me end where I started: "Connection with others is my Trigger to Recovery."

My Gratitude and Many Thanks to my Facebook friends who gave me much help and inspiration for this post. Last Names are Not Included because I must protect the Anonymity of any who might choose it. Thank you, Claire A, Calvin G, Hazel I, Mike M, Neil V, Lori B, Kimberly J, Linda L, James S, Kyli L, James R, Nicole S. Maggie B, Jode F, Misty L, Pat O, Danny J, Peter S and Linda C & Peggy C. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE & MANY OF YOU KNOW EACH OTHER, So, One and All, I Thank You One and All!
All of you are MY CONNECTIONS TO RECOVERY.  Woo-hoo!
*****

Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in my Autobiographical Fiction, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal 

(Find it on Amazon. Book it here): https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c

Check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN
#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 
(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

Both Books are Available in Print and Kindle Editions.
 

23 November 2022

What's for Dinner? GRATITUDE!

 

Let's get right to the meat of this post: GRATITUDE!!!
Keep a journal, daily, weekly, whatever it takes. Writing your thoughts down is better than just thinking them. The physical act reinforces the thought. You're on your way to behavior change without even realizing it!
Your physical, mental and overall recovery health will improve. If you don't like it, "we will gladly refund your misery," as I've heard said in Recovery Meetings.
15 seconds, 15 minutes, go at your own pace. 15 hours? lol I'm not there yet!
Taking the time to take your time will increase your powers of mental focus. It's no hocus-pocus. An attitude of gratitude will fill you like a good Thanksgiving Dinner. 
Gratitude is gravy. Ladle it generously!
Gratitude will calm you down, maybe even lower your blood pressure and heart rate. 
Be a Grateful Caregiver. Share the wealth of gratitude you have. It will multiply. "Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone." - Gertrude Stein
Addiction is draining. Gratitude is healing.
Be Grateful that this post isn't one word longer.
Stronger.
Damn it! I'm a Grateful Liar.
Gratitude is Recovery's Fire.
*****

Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in my Autobiographical Fiction, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal 

(Find it on Amazon. Book it here): https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c

Check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN
#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 
(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

Both Books are Available in Print and Kindle Editions.

08 November 2022

Live Your Life with Clean & Sober Fire Before You, too, Expire.


"I sure could go for a Cheese Steak with Fried Onions right about now," said the behemoth Australian Hercules Moth to himself... NEVER: No mouth, no lips, no speech, no Cheese Steak yearnings.

One can correctly say, "a couple of rats," but to say, "a rat couple" veers toward anthropomorphism, the attribution of human emotions and behaviors onto animals. "I sure could go for a Cheese Steak with Fried Onions right about now," proceeding from any animal, especially one that lacks a mouth, as cited here, is a good example of anthropomorphism.

The diversity of life on Earth is beyond amazing. The Hercules Moth remains in the caterpillar stage for an average of three moths (months, lol) and has a lifespan of 10 to 14 days and a wingspan of up to 11 inches. 

The Life Cycles of a Moth and the Human Stages of Addiction and Recovery are Horses with Different Colors. I was dying from drinking and felt like I would die without a drink. Use, abuse, dependency, tolerance for ever-increasing doses, binges, hospitalizations, homelessness: The Life of an Addict is one of Chaos and Disorder. At one time I felt doomed to die with alcohol on my breath and denial somehow made that all too acceptable.

Today, I'm glad I'm not an Australian Hercules Moth and happy to no longer be living in the Addiction Phase of my life. I am Grateful to be in Recovery.

I am Snug as a Bug in a Rug and Loose as a Goose (and everywhere in between). Clean and Serene is my Scene, Jellybean, Clean and Serene.

Accept Gratitude.

Watch a Butterfly Flutter By.

Perhaps that could be you (or already is). 

Spread your Wings and Fly!

Action, Patience, Time and Love.

Gratitude, Clean and Serene. 

Live your life with clean and sober fire before you, too, expire.

*****

Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in my Autobiographical Fiction, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal 

(Find it on Amazon. Book it here): https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c

Check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN
#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 
(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

Both Books are Available in Print and Kindle Editions.


07 November 2022

It Was All Fun and Games the First Few Years.


ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconciliation of an Alcoholic Animal captures the 30-year downward spiral of Addiction. It was written as an Autobiographical Fiction because as I tell this true story of my addiction, three (3) Fictional Characters (unnoticed by me) discuss among themselves my prospects for recovery.
Order Your Holiday Gift Copies Now while you can still enjoy $4.00 (21%) savings off the List Price.
$14.95

ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal 

(Find it on Amazon. Book it here): https://lnkd.in/esP83n-c

#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books

For those on your Gift List who prefer Nonfiction there's BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 

(On Amazon here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

Both Books are Available in Print and Kindle Editions.