"Off that bus I poured my fright-filled self" when I returned home from my first Rehab Hospital for Recovery from Alcoholism. Fear. That's how I started my Journey of Recovery from Addiction. I did not feel fear when I found myself at the doorstep of Cancer Recovery. It is thanks to the tools I acquired and learned to use in my Addiction Recovery that carried over into my Cancer Recovery and saved me, not from Cancer, but from myself, my fears, my gut-reactions. A toxic cocktail of emotions (enflamed by alcohol, narcotic and prescription drugs), denial, anger, fear, depression, self-pity, doubt and many more twisted emotions nearly crippled my first steps into a sober world. Slowly, and not too surely, I learned how to stop being a victim of addiction as I moved towards the light of personal responsibility and recovery and a favorite tea. (Lol, coffee really, but it would not rhyme!)
I did not feel this same fear so, remarkably, slight misgivings might more aptly describe arrival at my first Chemo and Radiation Treatments for Cancer this June. You see, 22 years have passed since I got off that bus from Lakewood, my first Rehab Hospital stay. Two weeks sober at that point and fear still had me surrounded, and those weeks and for many months to come.
In ways both curious and coincidental, my Recovery from Alcoholism and Addiction has prepared me for anything and all things that Life might throw in my path. If you have Cancer (or a multitude of other challenges in your life) much can be gained by looking at your own past experiences and grabbing onto the wisdom shared in your library's arsenal and through the shared courage of friends new and old.
"The fear I felt coming back on the bus from the Lakewood Rehabilitation Hospital was palpable. I was afraid I could not do it. I would not be able to stay sober. I had tried before. My history reeked of failure, leaving the emergency room of the Atlantic City Hospital or another detox and immediately I would pick up a drink. The simultaneous insanity of me and I, myself and absence of self my hand, this stranger's hand, attached to this arm, my arm and a glass comfort, a cold-warm comfort, a drink, this drink, insanity in my hand and down. Down. How did I get in here? This is the only thing I have left, the only thing that I can do, what I am.
I felt fear on the bus. A killing fear. I didn't know if I could do it. I fought fear and fear fought back. Every emotion I had had a drink in it.
Off that bus I poured my fright-filled self."
Which brings me to Now, Today, dauntless in my Cancer days as I had learned to be in these Recovery-filled days turned to years. I learned to learn through the shared wisdom of others in a multitude of Recovery Groups (AA, NA, Al-Anon, etc.) and Individuals (too countless to enumerate).
Note the words pictured Poster, on Pinterest, by Ambrose Redmoon: "COURAGE is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!
I must get off my Soapbox now.
Somebody else may need the wood to stoke their own Survival!
Victorious am I (and you, and us, and we and you and you, whomever you may be)!
Victory is How You Live.
What better way to Have a Nice :-) Day?
Question... Exclamation Point!*****
The 1st 16 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Seventeenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!