13 July 2018

CANCER Cure CONSPIRACY (yes, many can't be unconvinced) #24 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


JFK and ELVIS are alive & roommates in Rio De Janeiro.... EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. Everybody who is a Conspiracy Theorist, that is.
Conspiracy theories about Cancer also abound. Tiny, missing facts and speculation, somehow uncovered, become the mortar filling the gaps of public knowledge with irrational fears and double-dare doubts. No doubt, lizards from outer space also somehow fit into the REAL solution as to why Cancer has been cured, but that Big Pharma, for multiple inexplicable reasons, is loathe to let US in on. DON'T WORRY. The Moon Landing and the World Trade Center collapse were FAKED, so why wouldn't Cancer be on the list of Unsolved Conspiracies?
Why won't the FDA allow the cure to be marketed?
How have the public and private sectors been forced to remain silent?
Who's making all the money from withholding the Cancer Cure?
Why can't medical professionals, knowing what they know, cure their friends, their families, themselves?
For now, I'll have to be content with the aftereffects of Chemotherapy and Radiation Therapy while I wait for the effects from piercing pins into my Cancer Effigy. Voodoo is real. Tippecanoe and Cancer Too. Don't confuse me with Facts. You know who they are!
Cancer S.M.L (Stigma, Myths, Lies & other Glories.)
Believe the Truth, Not all the Stories!

(Photo Credit: X-Files/20th Century Fox on Pinterest)
*****
My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery.
*****
Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!
*****
The 1st 23 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Fourth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

09 July 2018

CANCER: S.M.L. (Stigma, Myths & Lies) #23 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Here I stand, nearly finished with all the chemotherapy, radiation and hydration therapies and yes, all or most of my side-effects symptoms should begin to subside, but, trust me, much of this has been unforeseen and unexpected.
Stigma, Myths and Lies will likely continue following me like a slug. Certainly, positive behaviors on my part are 'de rigueur' to lessen the possibilities for a recurrence of cancer. My attitude is important. Now on the other side of treatments, my cancer is no longer in the category of a fight I have to win, which had sort of been my attitude at first. That evolved into less doubt and more trust in the procedures and knowledge of my doctors and other care-givers.
One of the biggest myths, which I intuitively did seem to get is that the types and numbers of different cancers and their prescribed forms of treatment vary to the extreme in location in the body, severity of diagnosis and treatment regimens tailored to the strengths and weaknesses of the patients.
In short, cancer is truly not one simple little disease. It covers spectrums still unimaginable to me. The cause/causes of my cancer seem almost inconsequential after the fact. I was not doomed to get cancer and there may have indeed been little I could have done up to the point of diagnosis to prevent its onslaught. But now that treatments at my level of care have subsided, it's up to me to eat and exercise to help aftercare improve as quickly as possible. Even my hereditary cancer history doesn't do much to point blame my way.
Blaming my parents more than dangerous behaviors not inherited, such as alcohol and tobacco addiction isn't really an answer for me either. From a personal perspective, cause and blame have been removed from my vocabulary. Environmental toxins are my personal best guess. We live in a world poisoned by the thousands of chemicals in our environment everywhere. Earth, at least the urban world I live in is certainly no Garden of Eden.
Contrary to my initial sense of "Oh, boy, I've got cancer. Print up the death notices. Write your will. Kiss your ass good-bye" have quickly dissipated.
I remember being told that sugar is a super food to cancer, at least in the tracer chemicals used in the full-body scan images used in the preliminary looks at my hard and soft palates and the outpost of cancer which had migrated to my neck. I must add here, once again, as mentioned in another post, that the cancer migration visible in short order on my neck likely has saved my life as I would otherwise not have noticed the outbreaks in my palate until it may have been much too late to as effectively treat.
The only thing I can add about sugar in my diet, from my perspective at least, is that sugar (like alcohol) is pretty much adding calories to my diet with no real healthy side effects. My relationship with sugar is restricting these empty calories so much as possible and not really an attack on sugar as a cancer cause. I'm on the other side of the mountain now, anyway, so many old behaviors that may have had detrimental outcomes for my overall health will be eliminated over time as a better way of living in general and not specific to my cancer diagnoses and after-care.
It is not my fault I have (or had) cancer, but, fact is, I must become more responsible for a healthier lifestyle now that I've passed these tests of fire and water, at least up to this point.
Here and now, I'm glad that my three primary doctors opted out of throat surgery. My gut reaction is that their decisions were right. It almost seems that that would have been akin to cutting off my nose to spite my face. But this and many other things are still a little up in the air. This whole thing has become an intense learning experience for me, to be sure.
Not that surgery might have caused my cancer to spread or grow, but the regimens of treatments applied seem to have been the right choice to me.
My self-image has definitely undergone change here. Formerly, I identified as an addiction survivor. Now I must add cancer survivor to my rostrum. I know the road ahead will include encounters in my workplace once I return there. Social interaction and media stigmatization will be front and center as I adapt to this life-changing series of occurrences.
Basically, accepting and acting upon my responsibility for my cancer recovery is on the surface not much different from the responsibilities I had had to learn to assume in my recovery from alcoholism and and addiction. Stigma, shame, guilt, social isolation and discrimination are all subtle force my recovery will have to learn to deal with. Self-doug and doubts of others loom ahead. I must keep my roadway clear.
My road ahead will likely include what are now unimaginable bumps in the road.
Picture me striding forward in all my recoveries, head held high as I strive to build and rebuild a new world for myself. Just as "nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more" applies to my alcoholism and addiction recovery, so too, the same thing goes for my cancer recovery moving forward.
Stigma, Myths and Lies have been largely expelled and dealt with. #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence.... that's the new platform upon which a new and better life for me will be constructed, deconstructed and reconstructed.
Structure is everything for me, now more that ever.
Strive on! I've said my piece and found some peace in the process.
Next on my agenda is to increase my writing and reaching out to help others.
As I've said before, helping others is the biggest win/win that I have ever known.
My most suitable closing here is a hearty thanks to all the people I've met on my many roads to recovery.
Find your path. Move forward. And MANY THANKS, AGAIN to each and all, before, during and after this life-enhancing experience.
Life is still so good. Now, more than ever!


("The Most Difficult Battles in Life Are Those We Fight Within." - Chinese Proverb on Pinterest)

*****
My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery.
*****
Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!
*****
The 1st 22 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Third one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

07 July 2018

Go the Distance / Take the Time #22 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Up on around the bend, my #radiation, #chemo & #hydration therapies are nearing the end, but my struggles, convictions and fortitude can neither be tarried or rushed.
Physical, mental and emotional exhaustion are on my road ahead. Relief will come slowly, at best. I'm in it for the long haul. Six months to a year is not to be unexpected. I remember how long and tedious my alcoholism took me to fully recover (I have 14+ years of continuous sobriety. After an earthquake to my system such as these, the after-effects may be life-long and incorporated into my new sense of gratitude for having survived).
My ability to fight infection has been compromised and I will have to be vigilant in my daily living. Proceed with caution, no green light to recklessness not indicated. Care, self-care will become a permanent by-word. A devil-may-care attitude, forthrightly discarded.
Even after my sense of taste and appetite return, I may have to make permanent changes to my diet to ensure a future of good health. Many and most of these self-suggestions are obvious, but I will still have to remain focused. Focus on meditation and taking the time to brew the coffee and taste and smell the coffee have been taught to me after their absence. With my eyes closed, the only difference between a glass of water and a cup of iced coffee had been a barely discernible difference in mouth-feel, and trust me, I look forward to more fully appreciating all my senses.
My risk of recurrence is, of course, highest during the five-year period afterward, but here again, my gratitude has taken a definite upswing.
Hopefully, my cancer will have gone into remission and seriously, with a tinge of humor, I embrace my readmission to the human race. Just like my recovery from addiction, a vital sense of reconnection is just what the doctor ordered.
My physical, mental and emotional care has been supported my teams of doctors, nurses and other professional staff members. I am eternally grateful that what may have once been a death sentence has, through advancements in care unknown and not tallied by me, increased my life expectancy. Every plus in medical science has provided me with hope for a brighter future (Gratitude, again).
My radiation therapy is likely a success, exceeding the 95 percentile. I'm told by the staff that my burns from radiation will subside in due course, but that I must continue with my recommended skin-care regimen for some time to come.
Caring for myself must become a habit. Neglect is off the table. In my career alcoholic days (and years) self-care, medical and dental care, diet, etc., all took a back seat to the next drink or drug. Cancer has refreshed my memory of the importance of health maintenance. I cannot help others if I cannot first help myself. This and other important lessons are still being absorbed by me. In fact, my recovery from addiction and alcoholism have definitely been reinforced by my cancer survivorship.
Some changes to my body, lifestyle and outlook rightfully may be permanent. I will have to man-up and play the ball where it lies. Even little cheats ultimately would be cheating myself.
My body will need time to repair.
I must be ready to Go the Distance / Take the Time!
My next step (or soon to be next step) is to focus my attention to helping others. I know of no better win/win situation.
Additional life lessons will hopefully be included in future posts.
A final salute to Gratitude is needed here. So, Have a Grateful :-) Day, y'all!
*****
My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out.
Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!

(Google Earth at a distance on Pinterest)
*****
The 1st 21 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Second one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

04 July 2018

CHEMO... DONE... / But is CANCER DONE with me? #21 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


The only constant is change, so regardless of whether my 6 Chemotherapies grab hold of my cancer by the throat or not (and this is throat cancer: hard palate and soft palate, which then spread to an outpost on my neck!), there will be more changes down the road. Three more Radiation Therapies and 5 more saline solutions to help my organs cleanse the toxins from my body still await me.
And then... slowly, these symptoms of Chemotherapy will recede, each at their own rates. Forewarned is Forearmed.
General fatigue will fade with time. My normal mental focus will return. Irregular facial hair growth should normalize. Lung capacity should return to former levels. Kidneys should return to full functioning. My ankle numbness should slowly decrease as all systems normalize. My short, slow stride trudging down the streets should again become brisk, as previously. And muscle co-ordination and strength should return to pre-treatment levels.
I'll have to take all these re-normalizations as they come. But I'll bid their absence no fond farewell.
A recurrence of cancer is still possible down the road, usually within two years of treatment. There is no time limit for a recurrence, so I'll have to remain vigilant.
Each cancer and each cancer patient is different. So I might be wise to expect the unexpected in all these areas.
After my regular treatments end after next week and doctor visits become more periodic rather than near constant, as they've been, I'll have time to explore Cancer Recovery Groups sponsored by my hospital. My scheduled visitations have been too time-consuming and none of the existing groups fit my weekly schedules up to this point as yet.
My recovery from addiction to alcohol has truly helped me get this far and I believe I will be able to help other cancer patients who don't have recovery experience such as I've had from my addictions (Don't worry! I know that Groups will also be of immeasurable help to me as well).
All's well that ends well, but recurrence of cancer growth is always a possibility.
On that unending note, my usual postscripts, below:
*****
My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out.
Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!

(public domain image of Squamous Cell Carcinoma)

*****
The 1st 20 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-First one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

02 July 2018

MORE THAN FOOD: Hunger in the Abstract #20 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Yes, Alfie, what is it all about?
For my recovery to be sustainable, this human animal would need more than food and water to survive. (Think "Feed your head") I would have to feed my head, to give my life meaning, to find purpose.
Like my struggles in early recovery from alcoholism and other addictions, I, in time, at times, would often reach varying abysmal points where to weaken, to cave in, would be the easy way out. "I may as well drink (or drug)" would briefly, but deeply, come to mind.
I would need glimmers of hope, of sustainability. Sometimes life can feel reduced to the absurd purpose of finding one. Certain philosophical crossroads rudely intrude and one may face an existential nausea as great or greater than that nausea induced by chemotherapy.
A voice within senses danger on the existential level. Echoes of "get thee to a nunnery" on some philosophical level enter the picture and the only answer in this case seems for me to seek help, take action and firm up my (I hate to say it) spiritual foundation.
Yes, Alfie, what is it all about?
I do not want to die. I want to live, to survive, to thrive.
Cancer is another bump in my road which I just ascend, climb over, work through, surpass.
Even food, at times, may feel like crumbs of whimsy when that most basic thing we call desire has been subverted. Nothing seems to matter more at times than that we keep our eyes on the prize, the wonder of life with all its twists and turns, that life is worth living (with all its struggles) and that life, always, can find a way.
Purpose. Find yours. Whatever it is.
I have find mine. Will build on it and in the meantime, breathe and eat.
*****
At one point in my recovery from alcoholism, it felt to me that my greatest accomplishment had been to hit bottom and not die. Cancer, with its many seemingly impossible crossroads has been squarely met and will be surmounted.
Strive on. All is not lost and perhaps never had been. A simple tweak of perspective may nourish as much as any plateful of calories and nutrients. A book, a person, a perspective renewed. Breathe in, breathe out. This cancer thing will find its way and be done.
Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment, followed by three more radiation treatments. Hope. Not in a bottle this time. Recovery has taught me hope under any and all conditions.
I hunger. I thirst. I will survive this and thrive. Barring that, I will have done all that could be done.
Life replenishes itself, undeniably. I am but an example.
Pep talk (to self and for you) over.... Strive on....

("Sustainable Development" on Pinterest) 
*****
My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have minus my addiction recovery.
I hope some of this rubs off on you.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out.
Strive on Fellow Travelers! No matter what you fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!
*****
The 1st 19 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twentieth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

30 June 2018

FROM: Dying to Drink / TO: Eating to Live #19 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Drinking brought me to my knees after 30 years of daily blackout to pass out patterns of alcohol consumption. Here's how that transpired and how recovery saved me: "Loving to drink. Living to drink. Dying to drink. Dying from drinking. This is the progression of alcoholism. Wanting to live. Learning to live. Loving to live. Living with love. This is the progression of recovery."
And now, cancer has brought me to my knees again. I haven't heard of anyone getting addicted to chemotherapy or radiation therapy. It's not like that. It's a different struggle, this move towards becoming cancer-free.
From age 16 to 46, my drinking career years, my weight never fluctuated by more than 3 pounds. I weighed 138 pounds with amazing consistency. Thin and malnourished might best describe my diet and health during all those years. Alcohol contains calories and as my intake of alcohol progressed to greater and greater quantities, my calorie intake from food took an equal and opposite slide downward. In the end, the only calories besides alcohol would come from little splashes of cranberry juice or iced tea (iced tea and alcohol, vodka, of course, is called an Ice Pick, my last and final binge before my first sobriety).
Treatments for my cancer have taken an oddly similar progression. As my treatments increased, I found nausea, lack of appetite and the ability to taste anything decrease, in direct proportion for my body's need for sustenance to sustain this fight. After the 5th week of treatments, my body gave out and diarrhea ensued, to the point on a Friday going into Saturday, that I knew I was dehydrated and in serious trouble.
A third nausea treatment was administered after admittance to the Emergency Room and my 26 pound weight loss reached critical proportions and a feeding tube may still become necessary to avoid the disastrous consequences of becoming so malnourished.
So you can see that "FROM: Dying to Drink / TO: Eating to Live" is the reality of this moment. I must eat to survive this, to find the strength, despite nausea, appetite-loss and tastelessness to move forward.
This story is not over. I'll have to keep you posted. I couldn't eat when I was in my alcohol addiction until my minimum daily requirement for alcohol was met and exceeded. Now, fully in recovery for 14+ years, my relationship with food has become again re-challenged.
What went around came around, again.
Poetic Justice of a sort, I guess.
But Recovery from Alcohol has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have minus my addiction recovery.
I hope some of this rubs off on you.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out.
Strive on Fellow Travelers! No matter what you fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
(Photo: psychologytoday.com)


*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!

*****
The 1st 18 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Nineteenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

27 June 2018

"Cancer is Contagious,You Know," Neighbor Proclaims #18 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Fear is Contagious. Ignorance is Contagious. Stigmas are Contagious. Many other  emotions, as well. But Cancer? Cancer IS NOT Contagious! It's not like catching a softball at a Family Reunion. Close contact will not spread cancer. Hugs, kisses, shaking hands, sharing meals or utensils, even sharing the same air won't spread cancer. Germs may be passed in all these and other ways, but Cancer is not a germ. Cancer signifies a change in cell mutations. You can catch the flu from another, but you can't catch Cancer even from your Mother!
My landlord was chatting with the neighbor lady the other day and when he casually mentioned that I have Cancer, she responded with a worried look and said "Cancer is contagious, you know."
When my landlord related this to me, I simply couldn't believe what I had just heard. Sandy (not her real name) has a Masters Degree in Business Administration (maybe she should mind her own business, LoL). Apparently she's a Master at memorizing charts and graphs, but dumbfounded when it comes to common sense. Images of The Scarlet Letter and secluded islands packed to the gills with Lepers of days gone by. Stone Age images of Caribou drawn in red ink on the walls of a sandstone cave from human pre-history also come to mind.
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A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
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Everybody's Recovering from Something and at This Moment, I'm Recovering from the Neighbor Next Door. I can't wait to bump into her on the street (no, I don't mean literally). I'm going to ask her in the most forgiving tone to Google "Is Cancer contagious?" She needs to hear if from the Source's Mouth.
I bristled and brushed it off. I've got bigger fish to fry. But I'll still have something kind to say next time she passes by.
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I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!



(photo credit: canfightcancer.com on Pinterest)
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The 1st 17 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Eighteenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
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(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
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#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
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Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

19 June 2018

"FEARLESS Cancer, FEARLESS Recovery" # 17 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


"COURAGE is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon
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"Off that bus I poured my fright-filled self" when I returned home from my first Rehab Hospital for Recovery from Alcoholism. Fear. That's how I started my Journey of Recovery from Addiction. I did not feel fear when I found myself at the doorstep of Cancer Recovery. It is thanks to the tools I acquired and learned to use in my Addiction Recovery that carried over into my Cancer Recovery and saved me, not from Cancer, but from myself, my fears, my gut-reactions. A toxic cocktail of emotions (enflamed by alcohol, narcotic and prescription drugs), denial, anger, fear, depression, self-pity, doubt and many more twisted emotions nearly crippled my first steps into a sober world. Slowly, and not too surely, I learned how to stop being a victim of addiction as I moved towards the light of personal responsibility and recovery and a favorite tea. (Lol, coffee really, but it would not rhyme!)
I did not feel this same fear so, remarkably, slight misgivings might more aptly describe arrival at my first Chemo and Radiation Treatments for Cancer this June. You see, 22 years have passed since I got off that bus from Lakewood, my first Rehab Hospital stay. Two weeks sober at that point and fear still had me surrounded, and those weeks and for many months to come.
In ways both curious and coincidental, my Recovery from Alcoholism and Addiction has prepared me for anything and all things that Life might throw in my path. If you have Cancer (or a multitude of other challenges in your life) much can be gained by looking at your own past experiences and grabbing onto the wisdom shared in your library's arsenal and through the shared courage of friends new and old.
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"The fear I felt coming back on the bus from the Lakewood Rehabilitation Hospital was palpable. I was afraid I could not do it. I would not be able to stay sober. I had tried before. My history reeked of failure, leaving the emergency room of the Atlantic City Hospital or another detox and immediately I would pick up a drink. The simultaneous insanity of me and I, myself and absence of self my hand, this stranger's hand, attached to this arm, my arm and a glass comfort, a cold-warm comfort, a drink, this drink, insanity in my hand and down. Down. How did I get in here? This is the only thing I have left, the only thing that I can do, what I am.
I felt fear on the bus. A killing fear. I didn't know if I could do it. I fought fear and fear fought back. Every emotion I had had a drink in it.
Off that bus I poured my fright-filled self."
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Which brings me to Now, Today, dauntless in my Cancer days as I had learned to be in these Recovery-filled days turned to years. I learned to learn through the shared wisdom of others in a multitude of Recovery Groups (AA, NA, Al-Anon, etc.) and Individuals (too countless to enumerate).

Note the words pictured Poster, on Pinterest, by Ambrose Redmoon: "COURAGE is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!
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I must get off my Soapbox now. 
Somebody else may need the wood to stoke their own Survival!
Victorious am I (and you, and us, and we and you and you, whomever you may be)!
Victory is How You Live.
Enjoy life!
Live Victoriously!
What better way to Have a Nice :-) Day?
Question... Exclamation Point!
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The 1st 16 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Seventeenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
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(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

17 June 2018

"Truly Tasteless Treatments" # 16 (of 50) Cancer / Addiction / Recovery / Emergence


When your delusions start forming delusions of their own, maybe it's time to get a second opinion.
My name is Jim and I am an alcoholic in long-term recovery (14+ years) who is fighting cancer with a 7 week regimen of chemo and radiation treatments.
During the first week of treatments nausea found an early home in my gut and it took me 2 more weeks to fully realize that my hunger never ceased, but that my desire to satisfy my hunger was losing out to nausea.
I may as well start a list of questions, doubts and possible misperceptions for me to share with my medical staff, preceding it by "in no particular order."
1) My sense of taste eroded with each passing day until the end of the fourth week when my tongue took a nosedive (lol - mixed metaphor of sorts) and overnight my sense of taste approached the 0 percentile.
2) It seems that my sense of smell is still there but that it is still tricking me into having a phantom sense of taste, memories and expectations creating illusions of tasting. I knew what a tangerine does and should taste like, but was I having phantom placebo-like memories of tangerines when I bit into one or was this the real thing?
3) After the 3rd day of my 4th week, I noticed that it seemed by facial hair had completely stopped growing. Would it next start falling out? Whatever the case, the last 3 days have shown me that my facial hair had resumed growing again (never really stopped? Am I a dingbat?)
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The Pause that Refreshes!
When my friend, Mac, had a cornea transplant operation, he had to learn to see again. Depth perception had to be relearned (hard to imagine). New corneas returned him to a stage of sight similar to infancy and the many subtleties of his vision had to be relearned.
Out of habit, I only was imagining a sense of taste based of expectations of what I knew things should taste like. That illusion crashed one day recently when sipping on my iced coffee, I realized that in a blind taste test, I wouldn't have known if I were drinking iced coffee or iced water. That's when I realized my sense of taste had gone.
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4) New coping mechanisms would have to be developed to encourage my eating. Calories consumed had apparently diminished so that I'd lost 10 pounds over a 4 week period, however unintentionally. I've resorted to the empty calories of Cherry Coke (I couldn't taste the Coke and I couldn't taste the Cherry) because the fizziness of the soda offered replacement for the flavors I could no longer perceive (Deciding to buy Cherry-Flavored Coke in my Tasteless World reinforced certain fantasies of control and choice).
5) I've had to find new pleasures in eating when flavor took a back seat. Texture and temperature began to take on whole new meanings. I focussed on eating things that changed texture as you eat them. My peanut butter-filled oatmeal cookies gave me something to focus on as the oats slowly crumbled away and the peanut butter filling began melting in my mouth. The little symphony of mouth-feel changes would replace my usual enjoyment of the richness of flavors.
6) I'm going to stop numbering things here because its beginning to border on the ridiculous, despite it giving me a temporary sense of being grounded in reality with real goals and purposes.
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As a tired boredom creeps over me at 4 A.M., I realize the minute perceptions of my experiences with cancer have been changing daily with no clear trajectories. Unpredictable, unexpected changes are happening on a daily basis.
My most incomplete post in many years now, it can neither stand alone nor as part of the 50 posts I've projected. That's life. I'm counting this drivel as # 16 regardless! I will have to satisfy myself with knowing that there will be much I don't know and will never know. Jeez! I am left with recommitting myself to Cancer Recovery and Addiction Recovery and a small tad of Getting-Over-Myself Recovery.
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Uncertainty Reigns! Don't believe it? Re-read this Truly Tasteless Post.
At any rate, confusion is where I'm at today, here, well-exampled.
I didn't drink over anything. I drink TO things. I drink truly tasteless coffee TO my truly tasteless cancer and TO my truly tasteless recovery.
Things will get better. I can almost taste it.


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The 1st 15 (of 50) Cancer / Alcoholism / Addiction posts are immediately below this Sixteenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order): https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my Ridiculousness!)
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#SurviveAddiction #SurviveCancer #SurviveYourself
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Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above,
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye... Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. [Cancer / Addiction / Recovery / Emergence]!!!

15 June 2018

A Summary of the First Fifteen #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence Posts


1. "REVERSE X-Ray Vision STRIPPED by Chemo & RADIATION Therapy" (a tongue-in-cheek introduction, of sorts)
2. "Increase Alcohol Use with Prescription Medicine" (one of many ways I used to think when in the drink)
3. "CANCER SURVIVOR GUEST POST"  (inspiration through connection with others like me - Thanks, Kathy!)
4. "From the Ridiculous to the Sublime" ("New Beginnings Are Often Disguised as Painful Endings." - Lao Tzu... expanded here)
5. "The Mystery of the Pulsating Cancer Mask Revealed!" (take a gander!)
6. "Lies & Doubts, Cancer & Recovery, Alcoholism & Addiction" (crippling uncertainties)
7. "Cancer Reinforces My Recovery from Addiction & Alcoholism" (& Vice Versa)
8. "When Gratitude Descends into Entitlement " (don't think it doesn't happen)
9. "Virtuous Cycles of Recovery" (from Cancer / from Alcoholism / from Addiction)
10. "Cancer Stigma / Addiction Stigma / Stigma Schmigma!" (humor heals)
11. "Only Because My Cancer Spread Was It Discovered!" (imagine that!)
12. "Cancer / Addiction / Recovery / Emergence: Week 3, Day 4, TAKE 5!" (counter, clockwise!)
13. "CANCER Fear / ADDICTION Fear / RECOVERY Fear" (be fearless, read it here!)
14. "Fighting Fear, Surrendering to Fear, Surmounting Fear" (likely the lump in my throat is not the same as yours)
15. "Sober Counting, Cancer Counting & Counting on Others" (count on me to write all 50 promised posts, feel free to share, each and all. TYVM)

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The 1st 15 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order): https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my Ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveAddiction #SurviveCancer #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above,
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye... Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 

An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ Five Star Reviews 
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. [Cancer / Addiction / Recovery / Emergence]!!!