16 January 2019

Recovery Justice


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"In quarreling, the truth is always lost." - Publilius Syrus
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"Eventually the puking stops. But the drinking doesn't stop." - from All Drinking Aside
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And now, a new statement is formed:
"... the truth is always lost" when "... the drinking doesn't stop."
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Drinking is a quarrel of sorts. An internal quarrel between the drinker and the drink, a space so indivisible that it becomes invisible. And only I was ever caught in the cross-fire. The alcohol was always still. Still as a... (well?)... still. Alcohol, seemingly innocent of the crime. And me, always the guilty one as Stigma would have me think. I think I need a drink.
See what I mean, jelly bean? "In quarreling, the truth is always lost." "Eventually the puking stops. But the drinking doesn't stop. 
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There is a world between Addiction's Insanity and the Serenity that Recovery will become. Piece together peace. You will not miss what it replaced. Welcome back to the human race.
Don't quarrel with a drink. Walk out.
We wouldn't want the puking back again, now, would we?
The truth is always lost when the drinking does not stop...
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Blame me. Shame me. 
Justice disappearing with each sip.
We addicts are a shameless lot, some say.
Slowly we are becoming not so much the other. Isn't that right, mother?
Somehow, we are not worth the bother. Isn't that right, father?
And Aunts and Uncles and Brothers and Sisters and Friends and Co-workers.
Slowly, slowly, slowly we are becoming more visible. Suddenly there are too many of us to push us into the corner. To ignore us. To condemn us.
Some of us stand firm. Some of us can bend. We are now becoming so many of us that it is almost wrong to call us "Them!" We want to become your friend. And friend to each other and ourselves. 
Make us welcome in your neighborhood (we've been here all along).
Take a breath. Ignoring addiction is not the way to change.
Recovery Justice....
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Addiction is a complicated beast, no matter what side of the fence you're on. 
Call it a fence. Call it a jail. The divide is real but the basis for this injustice is not real. 
Addiction should not be a crime. Deal with any crime committed under the influence separately. 
There is Criminal Justice.
There is Criminal Injustice.
Give a damned inch. Room must be made for Recovery Justice.
Recovery Justice. 
What has made putting those two word side by side seem so very foreign?
I'm an alcoholic in long-term recovery. Give me any beverage of your choice (lacking alcohol, of course). And please, back up my recovery drink... With Justice.
Give me Recovery Justice - until it's so familiar to everyone that I don't have to ask for it.... It's a given. 
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Thanks for stopping by....
[I'll be re-writing this post again and again. It's a bit of a gloppy mess, I know. 14 continuous years of sobriety and much is still twisted in my Recovery World. I will be visiting Recovery Justice again.]
... I hope I've given you something to think about. Recovery Justice. There. I've said it again. Get used to it. I mean that in the kindest way.
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"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
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#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
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Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal
Find it on Amazon.com here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4

11 January 2019

An Un-Defining Moment: The Time I Bowled a 276 (Drunk, like Always)


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"My un-defining moment was being plastered and bowling a 276. Seven drunken strikes in a row in my bar's bowling league. At that time, I really did do my best physically when I was drunk because drunk had become the new normal. My brain was used to drunk. My brain needed drunk to be in familiar territory. The liquid I had become used to navigating through was alcohol. Liquid me in a liquid dream swimming through alcohol. Alcohol bathed each and every cell in my body, separately and lusciously. Caressing each cell like a little warm oil rubdown at an expensive spa. Alcohol, the ultimate masseuse. I bowled a 276, plastered, shortly blacked out and still drinking, swimming through alcohol like Marlee Matlin [Children of a Lesser God] swimming in stunning silence. There was no before or after, only this oblivion."
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Scary, isn't it? How I romanticized it! Christ, are addicts "Children of a Lesser God," too? Haunting. To say the least, I was incomplete without my alcohol back then. Today, "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
If I were to bowl today and got seven gutter balls, I'd still be happy because my head would not be in the gutter like it used to be. 
Alcohol, a perfect zero. Recovery, a perfect score!
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#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
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The passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal
Find it on Amazon.com here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4