10 April 2018
"At Least I'm Not an Addict.": THIS Alcoholic Was THAT Stupid
"'At least I'm not an addict.' That's the sense of moral superiority I once had. Today, that statement would be sadly laughable. Too hung over to carry a bar tray full of drinks without spilling them. Asking co-workers to place the straight up martinis in front of the customers' placemats because my daily shakes wouldn't allow me to do so without spilling. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Avalanche.
If alcoholism isn't addiction to alcohol, what the hell is it?
Spill. Spill. Fucking spill."
At this point of my alcoholism, I believed that my addiction to alcohol was manageable. My ability to diminish the dimensions of my large and small daily disasters illuminates the power of denial. And at each point in my downward progression, I'd slowly become accustomed to that state, always believing that it would never get worse. And when it did get worse, I got used to that new normal.
Now I feel no sense of moral superiority over those addicted to substances other than alcohol. They all offer their own particular versions of hell. And I truly have no sense of moral superiority over my alcoholic past.
After all, it was alcohol that brought me to today.
My recent cancer diagnosis has been a certain kind of breeze, another progressive disease to surmount. If I could get sober and remain so after 30 years of my progressive slide and 8 years of bumpy relapses, cancer will be less stressful for me than for others who have never ridden on the Road of Recovery.
Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill.
Today, rather than dread, I live in anticipation of tomorrow.
Recovery (and alcoholism) has taught me that I can and will deal with this.
I will keep you posted because I am not toasted, LoL.
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
The passage in quotes is excerpted from Ch. 44, "Sweet Oblivion, Pretty Poison," ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
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at 8:49 PM