Imagine the lightest and brightest of white rooms, no windows, a closed door, you and nothing else for what seems like endless days. Avoided, ignored, rejected. This is you in solitary confinement. Eternal emptiness, no longer caring that you do not care.
You had learned to despise yourself somewhere back before the drinks could no longer count themselves. A victim of substance abuse, you were frayed, hurting until it could no longer hurt. You shared adjoining rooms with desolation in this Funhouse of Addiction. Co-occurring disorders became the order of the day even when they didn't start out that way. Definitions were assigned to you with sharp pins. Maybe you felt them, maybe you didn't. Cluttered, dirty, cornered, you could no longer focus. Your strength was waning. All that was left was one last drink. The glass was too, too heavy. You could not pick it up.
Hospitals. Detox after detox. A thousand means of exit from this insanity. Yet you stayed. Shunned, shamed, you felt as if you deserved no better....
I was there once, too.
In actuality, I could never manage my drinking. Endless nights of sitting in bars saying to myself that I would leave after I had just one more drink, then staying hours beyond endurance. And excuses which were really elaborate inventions to whitewash the truth.
To any happy social drinker reading this, are you now beginning to see why I would never again risk a drink, to think that I, like you, could be a social drinker? Social drinker, beware, you may be heading to a thousand dead ends, like I did, before I surrendered and the war finally ended.
I never was not an alcoholic or so it seems. My will is to never try to be like the social drinkers of this world.
My drinking days are done.
Surrender. Surrender. The only way this addiction war may be won.
Lay down your sword, your chalice, your armor. Surrender.
Can you taste it?
There is enough for everyone.
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
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