15 October 2020







Aging Sober & Dying Sober may not seem like the most optimistic topic to choose to write about, but I am sure of this one thing: Doing so may increase my quality of Living Sober.

In less than a month I'll be 70 (October 24th, to be exact). 

That's 21.1111 in Celsius (Do you like my new coffee mug?). Which makes this valid point for me: It's all a matter of perspective.

When I was in my twenties (NOT my Celsius 20's!), way before my catastrophic downward slide, I already knew I was an alcoholic. At that time, I considered alcohol and drugs as sources for inspiration. The Tragic Hero had to have a flaw, an Achilles heel. Mine would be Alcohol, with a Capital A, a source of inspiration and the cause of what would surely be my Heroic Demise.

In my most vivid imagination, I couldn't imagine living past 40 (human years, not Fahrenheit or dog years). 

Imagined pain was inspirational and real pain was to be handled by increasing my dosages of drugs and alcohol. The real decade of my 40's was the unimaginable pain induced by addiction, by losing everything time and again. Loss. The hospitals, detoxes, rehabs, intravenous drips, jobs lost, relationships lost, repeated periods of homelessness. Total loss, you get the picture, just this side of death, an impoverished life. 

Pneumonia, Cancer, Addiction - I've survived giant clumps of physical and psychological hurdles since my 40's. Stages of my life. The final stage will surely come. "Past is prologue," so said Shakespeare. No matter your interpretation, one thing is certain: There will be a final curtain.



That's the word I'm looking for. I want to learn how to best adapt to the changing circumstances to come as I inevitably trudge forward.


That's the second word I need. I want to do it all sober, to be aware until all awareness is drained from me. 


Word Three. I must have Grit (I feel like I'm playing Charades! First Word :-) Two Syllables). 


I have found Recovery to not only be possible, but supremely doable and ultimately irreplaceable.

Aging and dying are both inevitable too. I'm doing both sober, so far. Aging and dying are both there, no matter what else I may do. I imagine I will become part of whatever world I emerged from when I was born. Today, at the very least, when I die, I wish to rejoin whatever may come after in that state that was before my ever, ever, ever first drink.

Aging Sober & Dying Sober. Sounds about right (a drink would change none of this). No Buzz-kill at all. Release. A final letting go. A sober parting. Happy to end each day sober now. Aging is unstoppable. Dying is another sober day. 

I can speak only how I feel today.

Today. Today. Today, the days stack up. With any luck, they will continue to do so.

Life is good. 



May you also enjoy this Autobiographical Fiction, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal

On Amazon.com. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
5,800+ Recovery Tweets here: twitter.com/jimanders4 

08 October 2020

H.A.L.T.: HUNGRY (letting), ANGRY (letting go), LONELY (letting go is hard), TIRED (letting go is hard to do).


PLEASE NOTE: This excerpt was written during my 3rd year of continuous sobriety. It speaks heavily of remembering, each time remembered, another iteration, curiously twice and thrice removed from reality even as my recovery progressed.


"I resent my sober self, forced by my sobriety to raise myself, to grow up, to raise myself up. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I resent that my triggers are triggers. Sometimes I really, really have to just let it go. But bad habits make letting go of no longer needed emotions difficult. 

Letting go.

As a child, I saw a chicken get its head chopped off and its body slip out of my Uncle's hand. That chicken ran headless, down a deep slope and into the swimming pool. Blood everywhere. My Uncle's hand let go.

Letting go is hard to do. 

A pool of liquor awaits me.


[footnote]: I had relapsed off and on for 8 years prior to these 3 years, but surprisingly, I did not relapse after I wrote this. 

I lived to learn that Recovery is Possible, Doable & Irreplaceable.

"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal
On Amazon.com. Book it here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
5,800+ Recovery Tweets here: twitter.com/jimanders4 

02 October 2020





[Silly, Simple, Warm, Call It What You Will.

I'm Old Enough To Simply Lay It Out There]:


If you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Others,

You Likely Are a Tight-Group-Knit

And Those Outside the Group-You're-In

Are Seen Divided & Separate.



If You're a Democrat, Republican or Something Else

Sometimes the Those-Not-in-Your-Group

Are Seen As Less-Than You and You-and-Yours.




For Those Not Gay or Straight or Be-What-May

Those Not-Like You, Seen with Dismay...



My Other-ing Has Smothered Me,

Today, today, today,

Connect, connect, connect.

The Bell That Tolls, It Tolls For Me.






No One is Free Till All Are Free.




Live Free, Be We.

Other-ing No More.




In What Has Been, 

What Is, What Was, Shall Always Be 

One Human-Race, 

Less Smother-ing,

Less LESS.