15 November 2018

#Cancer / #Recovery... Part Two: Lies & Doubts

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In my experience, self-doubt has been the most crippling of all my uncertainties. My emotions were stymied during my alcoholic descent. Stigmas perpetuated my helplessness (Silence is Not Golden). My life became loosened, untethered, lost. So long drifting in a sea of alcohol, wasted, I lived a scrapheap existence. 
Talk of lies and doubts could fill volumes. It truly is for each reader to reflect upon their own experience. Lies we tell ourselves. Lies told us. Too many to enumerate. We have our own particular histories, each and all. Self-doubt, crises of belief, gut feelings, crippling anxieties and on and on. Suffice it to say that the biggest lie addiction told me was "You Deserve No Better." That was so self-defeating (yes, many an alcoholic listen to their bottles' proclamations). Not unlike spousal abuse, it came on slowly as addiction to alcohol crept over me in all its subtleties. Eventually, I wished I were dead, life seeming so not worth living under addiction's spell. At that time, I knew of no possible, desirable alternative.
From my recovery from addiction I learned that I would not let my cancer diagnosis and treatment defeat me. I would and did emerge more-fully-whole.
Recovery from both Cancer and Addiction share the importance of connections with others for me. Lies and doubts were swallowing me in my addiction and may have not let go in recovery were it not for connection with others. Individual and group therapy, including, but not limited to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, were necessary for me early on and continue their importance today. As for my Cancer Recovery, Gilda's Club has become increasingly beneficial to me since my chemo and radiation treatments have ended. My very recent tests show an absence of cancer, but that does not mean an end to my recovery. I'm committed to staying connected with all Recovering Communities. 
As I said in Part One... "Recovery from Addiction has taught me to be strong in my weakness. Recovery is Resilience, win or lose." Staying connected is my key to Resilience against Addiction, Cancer, Lies, Doubts and all else this life may bring my way.
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Through Recovery from Addiction, I have learned that Addiction disconnects and Recovery connects and reconnects in both the brashest and most subtle ways. The way out is through. Survival is connecting. 
My tools are honed.
Life has become my home, is now my home, will remain my home.
Lies and doubts or no, connect, connect.
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(To Be Continued as New Perspectives on My Recent Cancer Recovery Take Center Stage)



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You may also enjoy ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
4,000+ Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
99+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

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