03 November 2018

BLACKOUT DRINKING: Tool-less & Clue-less...

If there are things you wish to never forget, you might do well to meditate on them. Blackout drinking is near the top of that list for me. Many social drinkers out there don't understand exactly what blackout drinking is. Conscious in the moment, the drinker continues to drink up a storm. To the observer, it appears impossible that he or she will not later remember the events taking place. After all, the person is still awake and drinking. How could they not remember? The blackout drinker does not remember because no memories are being formed. Essentially, there is no memory to remember....
Let me not fail to mention bragging rights. Going out the very next night, repeatedly bragging that we did not remember what happened to all our money, where our conversations had failed, how we got home. Each trying to outdo the next, each claiming to be more drunk than the next, a sort of party game we only partially knew we were playing.
At least this. At least that. There are always a million ways to diminish how dangerous blackout drinking is. My big at least (among others) was "at least I no longer drive a car," as if that somehow made it all alright. 
Realistically, blackout drinking is very, very dangerous, but it became the new normal for me. I got home safely, didn't I? Oh, well, I'd say to myself in one of my many states of denial. Diminish, exaggerate. Off kilter or totally off the wall, blackout drinking barely has a toehold on reality. Not even barely. Make that no hold on reality.
The irony here is that I must remember now that I could not remember then. 
This is not lost on me. 
Clarity, another tool in my toolbox replacing the fog of blackout drinking. No memories to remember, I was tool-less and clue-less.
So, if you are or were or know a blackout drinker, know this: What more reason would one ever need to stop drinking? And this: Once the blackout drinking has become habitual, reason no longer has anything to do with it. And finally, find this: Find recovery and you just might find that you have recovered your memory as well. Meditate on memory and find gratitude for what you do remember, what you don't remember... and then you will surely find that gratitude will find a way home and it will find your heart.
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
You may also enjoy ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
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