30 June 2018

FROM: Dying to Drink / TO: Eating to Live #19 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence


Drinking brought me to my knees after 30 years of daily blackout to pass out patterns of alcohol consumption. Here's how that transpired and how recovery saved me: "Loving to drink. Living to drink. Dying to drink. Dying from drinking. This is the progression of alcoholism. Wanting to live. Learning to live. Loving to live. Living with love. This is the progression of recovery."
And now, cancer has brought me to my knees again. I haven't heard of anyone getting addicted to chemotherapy or radiation therapy. It's not like that. It's a different struggle, this move towards becoming cancer-free.
From age 16 to 46, my drinking career years, my weight never fluctuated by more than 3 pounds. I weighed 138 pounds with amazing consistency. Thin and malnourished might best describe my diet and health during all those years. Alcohol contains calories and as my intake of alcohol progressed to greater and greater quantities, my calorie intake from food took an equal and opposite slide downward. In the end, the only calories besides alcohol would come from little splashes of cranberry juice or iced tea (iced tea and alcohol, vodka, of course, is called an Ice Pick, my last and final binge before my first sobriety).
Treatments for my cancer have taken an oddly similar progression. As my treatments increased, I found nausea, lack of appetite and the ability to taste anything decrease, in direct proportion for my body's need for sustenance to sustain this fight. After the 5th week of treatments, my body gave out and diarrhea ensued, to the point on a Friday going into Saturday, that I knew I was dehydrated and in serious trouble.
A third nausea treatment was administered after admittance to the Emergency Room and my 26 pound weight loss reached critical proportions and a feeding tube may still become necessary to avoid the disastrous consequences of becoming so malnourished.
So you can see that "FROM: Dying to Drink / TO: Eating to Live" is the reality of this moment. I must eat to survive this, to find the strength, despite nausea, appetite-loss and tastelessness to move forward.
This story is not over. I'll have to keep you posted. I couldn't eat when I was in my alcohol addiction until my minimum daily requirement for alcohol was met and exceeded. Now, fully in recovery for 14+ years, my relationship with food has become again re-challenged.
What went around came around, again.
Poetic Justice of a sort, I guess.
But Recovery from Alcohol has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude.
I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have minus my addiction recovery.
I hope some of this rubs off on you.
*****
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out.
Strive on Fellow Travelers! No matter what you fight and challenges! Help is out there.
*****
A Call to Arms!
No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.
(Photo: psychologytoday.com)


*****
Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others.
*****
I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.
In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.
Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!

*****
The 1st 18 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Nineteenth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):
https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
*****
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!)
*****
#SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself
*****
Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
*****
You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
*****
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
*****
TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment