06 June 2018

# 11 (of 50) "Only Because My Cancer Spread Was It Discovered!"


There is something surely sad in the title I instantly had wanted to give this post. It was "Only Because My Cancer Spread Did I Discover It!" You see, all I had really discovered was a lump that popped out on my throat quite suddenly when I was shaving. It took a team of Doctors and a jungle gym of Technology to discover, diagnose and treat these multiple (3) threats to my survival.
The title I almost gave this post would have revealed an ego slightly out of kilter.
Humility is learned.
Thinking I was all that, led me at one point to remind the chief radiologist that really, all doctors do is prepare the conditions necessary for the body to cure itself, if and when possible. Even if true, it was a bit of a smug statement, don't you think?
Humility is unlearned and learned again.
Had my hard and soft palates not spread their cancer cells to my salivary gland on the right side of my throat to pop out when I was shaving (chicken or egg here, not sure if it really matters at this point), I likely would never have noticed the two spots of cancer in my mouth and it could have ended right there with me likely dying from it all because I might have been diagnosed too late to cure. I would have unsuspectedly not sought treatment at all. Never mind if I had still been drinking.
It is incumbent upon me to show you how, why and when all this came upon me today.
I've begun rereading my book, All Drinking Aside, combing through it for clues to how my recovery from alcoholism may help me in my recovery from cancer.
Oh! One additional thing before I continue, is that the subtitle to this post, too long to fit neatly after its lengthy title of "Only Because My Cancer Spread Was It Discovered!" (so what could more easily be done than but I blurt it out here?) is but place it here, in all caps, for all to take a gander agog: IF CANCER IS YOUR HIROSHIMA, THEN CANCER IS MY NAGASAKI!!!
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("We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one." - Tom Hiddleston on Pinterest)
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"Not too long ago I was quite moved by an article I read in the Atlantic City Press. It was about a man from Japan who had actually survived the atomic bombs of both Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He was a traveling salesman who, having survived the first bomb, returned home to be nearly decimated by the second bomb.
Does that seem possible? Does reality seem possible?
My first relapse and the second time I hit bottom seemed equally impossible as well, except, of course, in retrospect.
Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, wrote a book called The Language of the Heart. I love that title and its deeper meanings. The human attempts to express the inexpressible. My love of language and the intrigue of the inexpressible drew me to the fringes of the human experience.
My last roommate before I left Bethlehem, Pennsylvania for Atlantic City, New Jersey was Dan, who was legally blind. And then, in Atlantic City, I had become friends with Jeffrey, Jean-Paul's nephew, who, being totally deaf, communicated in sign language. What other people may have seen as handicaps, I saw as fertile soil for exploration of life experiences and their means of expression.
Handicapped by alcohol, I seemed to seek out others challenged to negotiate their ways through this difficult world. The common sufferings as underdogs, suited my own perception of self. In denial about how much help I needed, I reached outward as a substitute for dealing with my own inward sense of emptiness. Out there stood the Platonic drink and subsequently my un-Platonic nightmare."
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"Only Because My Cancer Spread Was It Discovered!" fits nicely around, among and within the caption to the illustrated poster in this post. "We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize that we only have one (Tom Hiddleston). 
I, You, He, She, It, We, You, They. They conjugate themselves like endless strands of DNA forming a new being. 
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
Cancer, too, has provided me new layers of appreciation for living, for having lived, for continuing to live. 
Gosh, if you got this far, I hope this post gives us all: I, You, He, She, It, We, You and They evermore subtle reverberations of recovery. 
Cancer and Addiction be damned. Ring in each new day with gratitude.
Recovery & Peace be with you.
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The 1st 10 (of 50) Cancer / Alcoholism / Addiction posts are immediately below this eleventh one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order): https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com
(If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my Ridiculousness!)
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#SurviveAddiction #SurviveCancer #SurviveYourself
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Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above,
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye... Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However!
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You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author:
http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO 
An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!
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TAKE C.A.R.E. [Cancer / Addiction / Recovery / Emergence]!!!

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