12 April 2018

ADDICTION: "Trapped in the State of Being" (and a Confession)


Unintentionally, in the 6-year process of writing my book, I often found myself waxing poetic, despite the fact that this was to be a work of prose. Accordingly, many of my favorite verses made it into print, but disguised as prose.
Here is one passage as it ultimately appears. Beneath that, for edification, the reconstruction of how it originally flowed from my pen.
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"Trapped in the state of being, everything is as it seems. You cannot find your dream. You want to turn the wheel on which you're turning. You want to become. You want to be real, but find it disagreeing, really so unpleasing, when everything is as it seems. You cannot break the seal, it's so unceasing, trapped in the state of being. You cannot find your dream. You want to turn the wheel on which you're turning. You want to become."
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"Trapped in the State of Being"

Trapped in the state of being,
Everything is as it seems.
You cannot find your dream.
You want to turn the wheel on which you're turning.
You want to become.
You want to be real,
But find it disagreeing,
Really so unpleasing,
When everything is as it seems.
You cannot break the seal,
It's so unceasing,
Trapped in the state of being.
You cannot find your dream.
You want to turn the wheel on which you're turning.
You want to become.
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Truly, I'm not sure if that will clarify or act to muddy the waters.
A bit of both is my best guess.
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P.S. Speaking of STRUCTURE, prose vs. poetry, here, I have a confession to make about the structure of All Drinking Aside. The subtitle is The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal. The word STRUCTURE is the root word from which all three key words in the beginning of the subtitle are derived. Recovery has many elements of structure about it as well. Forming new habits to replace old habits. That's changing the structure of a life of addiction into a structured life of recovery that will sustain itself. A strong foundation, structure, upon which change may occur.
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In addiction, I was an ANIMAL, the proverbial hamster on the wheel. "You want to turn the wheel on which you're turning. You want to become." In my addiction, I was powerless over alcohol. It was alcohol that turned the wheel. And as for "you want to become," I was becoming nothing more than more of an alcoholic and less human at every turn of the wheel. I am restoring my humanity in recovery and I am becoming, reclaiming, a sober me, to the beat of a sober drum.


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"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
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#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
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The passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4
130+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

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