30 January 2017

Worried by Alcoholism? I Wasn't....

"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
- Anonymous

For at least the first decade of my drinking career, calling myself an alcoholic, at least to the people sitting on the barstools next to me, was not a problem. Bragging rights. "I don't know how I got home, I was so messed up." Expressions like these were commonplace. But by the second decade, I started losing coats, keys, apartments, jobs. The progression of alcoholism with all its subtle and in-your-face changes is not a straight downward descent. It is marked by peaks and valleys. My third decade of drinking was littered with lapses in employment and housing. That new normal required that I drink at home, alone, when I had a home. By that time, I was not worried by alcoholism, I was worried about the next drink. Increasingly I drank more. My blackouts would occur around the end of the sixth drink and I would continue to drink until I passed out, usually two or three hours later, by my recollection.

"The further alcohol took me away from myself, the less I understood that I was losing my foothold. From the outside, I am sure it looked like I was becoming more and more selfish, but increasingly, I was not feeding myself, i was feeding my disease. The more selfish I may have appeared, the more my disease had dissolved my self away."

Not worrying in my addiction was really a form of defeatism. In recovery, not worrying is a positive thing. 

Recovery: Do the next right thing, the next right thing. 

No worry.

End of story.

#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
The passage in quotes, above, is from All Drinking Aside. 
I hope that this post will serve as a bridge, a window and a door 
to what you will find there....
All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction
of an Alcoholic Animal is linked here: 

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