14 January 2017

Apprentice Sophisticate / Distorted Vision

It has been said that when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. That may well be true, but it didn't apply to me in my teenage and young adult years. I had no tools to speak of. I had no hammer, but I did know all too well about getting hammered - at parties, at bars and at home.
Join the in crowd, don't be left out. Everybody's doing it. When you feel as if you do not fit in anywhere and want nothing more than that and being left out is not an option, alcohol may provide the social lubricant that makes you feel like you will learn how to fit in. Eventually. 
In my case, all I had to do was learn.
But I learned too well. 
Discussions of Nature/Nurture (was alcoholism predominantly due to the genes I inherited from my family tree or was it a social construct of the environment in which I lived?) would have meant nothing to me back then. But if Billy jumped off a bridge, then I too would take the leap with him whether or not my Uncle had a talent for building bridges. 
You see, "Alcohol was taking over my life in each and every form and I didn't even know it. I had learned more and more about scotch and wine and beer and cocktail recipes and this glass and that glass, boiler-makers and hot toddies and which garnish goes with which drink and on and on. More and more knowledge about alcohol and no real knowledge of alcoholism. Generally speaking, as I got more and more entrenched in alcoholic behavior, the more I felt sophisticated, the less sophisticated I must have appeared. Who could see the forest? All I saw were trees."
The cause is the cure. Venom and antivenom. More wants more at any cost.
Consequences be damned. 
Apprentice sophisticate, my imagined self did not know that alcoholism would become a career and my writing merely an investment in acquiring more. Alcoholism distorts reality and part of me, some of me, most of me, all of me wanted only MORE!
How could I drink just one, when what I wanted was four?

#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
This post is not excerpted from All Drinking Aside 
(with the exception of the short passage in quotes), 
but it is a bridge, a window and a door to what you will find there....
All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction
of an Alcoholic Animal by Jim Anders is linked here: 

Find his recovery Tweets here: 

Explore the flavor and texture of his writing style on LinkedIn here: 

No comments:

Post a Comment