23 January 2017

Alcohol is... "That Kind of Murderer."

Okay, all you Perry Mason & Agatha Christie fans out there. Shall we call this episode "Murder on the Ordinary Express" or maybe "The Case of the Silent Partner"? Don't forget to dress up the story. Make it glamorous, seductive, poignant.
Truthfully, death by alcohol is not glamorous. I have become deadened by loss, its emotional impact sullied by sheer repetition. Today, for example, with the coming of the new year, I removed three friends' names from my Facebook page. They'd been a large part of the reason I'd decided to retire early. Too many deaths all around me, all related to alcohol and addiction. It gave me pause. Life is too precious.
We, we who are addicts and alcoholics personify it as the beast within us. It is not uncommon for someone to say something like "Alcohol is out to kill you." Addiction seems to have had a life of its own within us. We were not in control. We were powerless against it. It separated us from ourselves and from others.
"Just short of paranoid. I felt alcohol was out to get me when I first got sober. I would meditate to block the beast, to find peace..."
It took time for me to separate the chemical from the chemist, the doer from what had been done, the catastrophic effects from the emptiness left in its tracks. C2-H5-OH (the chemical symbol for alcohol), betrayed me (at least, I felt betrayed). I felt like a jilted lover, alcohol, my first love. "I loved you and you ending up trying to kill me." That's what I wanted to say to my dearly beloved alcohol.
Murder in the first degree, premeditated murder. That's how it felt it would all end. "Alcohol is out to kill you." That kind of murder. That kind of murderer. How does one separate the chemical from the chemist?
Oh, if only it WERE so "elementary, my dear Watson!"
It took time and love, understanding and hard work, patience.
I'm a dozen years sober and a drink will always be within my arm's reach.
And, yes, one never forgets one's first love!
I just don't drink over it.

#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
"Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more."
This post is written by Jim Anders, author of All Drinking Aside: 
The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal:

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