I'm sure I'm not alone in this and paid no particular attention to it at the time, but multiple mutations occurred over the course of my addiction to alcohol. The progress, a steep decline with short periods of better than worse control, continued for decades. One or two good days would sustain my hope that I would and could get a handle on it (tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, not yet. No, not yet).
Somehow my relationship with food changed:
"Thirty years later I finally see the irony. By the time I had my Friday night TV news segment, 'Time to Dine,' my days of 'dining' were clearly already over. This raging alcoholic did not 'dine' anymore at all by that time. I only ate after I was already fucked up.... Food screwed with my 'alcohol delivery system.' Most of the time I did not eat a single bite until I had already administered the proper dosage of alcohol, unencumbered by food. This was normal. On an empty stomach I could more easily control my intake. I had power over my alcohol and it was manageable. That, of course, was one of alcohol's biggest lies, the illusion of control...."
My relationship with every single thing changed (including my relationship with relationships). Yes, alcohol changed everything until it was the only thing. Until it was the no-thing, like the black holes described by scientists where the gravitational force is so strong that light cannot escape. Yes, alcohol was that no-thing.
Food, like the very air we must breathe to live, took a back seat to alcohol for me.
Something is very, very wrong when everything is wrong.
There can be no doubt of this one thing. Today, I am Sober & Strong.
#Alcoholism #Addiction #Recovery
The passage above in quotes is excerpted from All Drinking Aside, an Autobiographical Fiction by Jim Anders, linked here: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO
Visit his Niume Recovery page here: https://niume.com/pages/profile/?userID=26056& find his Recovery Tweets here: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4